How to talk to kids about the US presidential election

• With the election less than two weeks away, tensions are running high and kids are picking up on that.
• One way to address election anxiety is to talk about the political system and encourage long-term engagement.
• Here, experts share their process for talking to kids about the election.
• Sign up for our new parenting newsletter Insider Parenting here.

The 2020 presidential election is less than two weeks away. Although the weeks preceding an election are always tense, this year the stakes are especially high, with a global pandemic, social-justice reckoning, and an open seat that could affect the Supreme Court for decades.

As a result, people on both sides of the political aisle are extra invested in this year's election. Kids are picking up on all of that.

"I recommend having age-appropriate conversations with children about politics; children will hear about things via various technological platforms and friends, and consequently, it is important for them to speak openly with their parents," said Leela Magavi, MD, a psychologist in California.

Kids as young as three can pick up on political divides, Magavi says, so it's important to facilitate open conversation. Here are five ways to have productive and kid-friendly conversations about politics and the election.

Teach them about the government

The government and the election cycle can be confusing, so it's empowering to give kids an age-appropriate breakdown of how American democracy works.

"We can talk about how we can make a difference in government, both during and after the election," said Shannon Brescher Shea, author of "Growing Sustainable Together: Practical Resources for Raising Kind, Engaged, Resilient Children."

Brescher Shea teaches her own sons, four and seven, how to be engaged citizens, by writing to lawmakers, attending rallies and, of course, thinking about voting.

"My older kid even put in his own comment on the Army Corp of Engineers request for comments on the Keystone XL pipeline," Brescher Shea said. "He looked quite pleased when I told him that the people in charge of making the decision are required to read his input!"

Use books to start conversations

In addition to encouraging their own civil engagement, Brescher Shea uses books to talk to her boys about how individuals — including kids — can make a difference in politics. Here are three she recommends:

• "Sofia Valdez, Future Prez", by Andrea Beaty
• "Spring After Spring" by Stephanie Ross Sisson
• "We Are The Water Protectors" by Carole Lindstrom

Give kids context by making it personal

When Lydia Elle talks with her 10-year-old daughter, she focuses less on politics and more about the world that her daughter wants to live in.

"It's not a matter of right or wrong for a political party, but what best aligns with the things she wants to see happen in the world," Elle said.

This is important to Elle as a Black mother, who says that she sees the political as personal.

"When we discuss issues like health care or equal rights, it is not about each sides' 'views,' but I ask her to make a decision about what she would support if these issues were about her best friend," Elle said.

Make room for their emotions, and yours

Elle is an expert on wholeness parenting — embracing all the emotions that come with being a parent in today's political atmosphere.

"I give way to the full range of emotions surrounding [my daughter] navigating and digesting the current events," she said.

Elle didn't hide her heartbreak and worry after George Floyd's murder, for example. Having emotion is a normal response to political movements, she said.

Removing the emotions threatens to separate political decisions from real life, which just isn't realistic, Elle said.

"When topics like [racial justice] are politicized it allows us to be removed from the indictment that our choices affect another person's life," she said. "If they do not directly affect our personhood then we can make light of filling in a bubble on a ballot."

Remain hopeful

No matter what happens on November 3, it's important to keep a positive outlook for kids, and empower them to engage with our political system, experts say.

"When talking to kids about politics, we need to be realistic without being depressing," said Brescher Shea. "We don't want to burden them with a sense of hopelessness."

Touching on the ways that engagement can make a difference — on the local, state, or federal level — can help kids keep their chins up. It's important that they know political engagement is about more than just the pressure cooker in the weeks leading up to a general election.

"It's important to make sure that we don't place all of our hopes and dreams on the election," Brescher Shea said. "Teaching kids that activism is a lifelong responsibility and a marathon, not a sprint, will help them maintain that critical hopefulness through adulthood."

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