How bulldozer parents harm their children worse than helicopter parents

• Bulldozer parents is a new generation that bulldozes all obstacles out of their children's way.
• A child psychotherapist explains how to support your children without suffocating them.

This is a translation of an article that originally appeared on June 3, 2023.

Proper upbringing is always a topic of discussion. Parents only want the best for their child, but sometimes that leads to bigger problems. In childhood, everything still seems normal, but issues become apparent later on.

Child and adolescent psychotherapist Tanja Witte-Heimböckel, 50, explains how to support your children without overwhelming or suffocating them.

"Parents only want good things and want to help their child, but that often leads to many problems later on. If children don't learn how to deal with difficult or unpleasant situations, or experience failures, they will never learn to cope with stress or try alternative strategies independently and learn from them," Witte-Heimböckel said.

"Children need to learn that they can lose, wait for things, and endure situations that don't always go smoothly. Otherwise, they lack psychological stability and the necessary preparation for real life. And that's despite the parents' good intentions. But then the children have never learned to solve things on their own and derive a sense of achievement from it."

Lack of problem-solving strategies in everyday life

In her everyday practice, the psychotherapist encounters these situations more often than you might think.

"For example, I receive calls because a patient missed their train and doesn't know what to do now. I talk to them about the situation, alternative actions, and then they simply take the next train," she said.

Often, the parenting problems stem from the bulldozer parents' own childhood. The desire for more attention or support from their own parents is now projected onto their own child.

"Professional support helps to understand that failures are a part of a child's life. Be there for your child when they get a bad grade or fall off their bike. But don't shield your child from all problems. Children learn from problems and frustration and gain new motivation. That's important for their development," Witte-Heimböckel added.