- My dad was 50 when I was born and I was the youngest of my siblings.
- My dad was the same age as my friends's grandparents.
"Like a sock hop?" my father asked. I stared at him blankly. All I wanted to do was go to a school dance at my junior high. I had no idea what a sock hop was, and he didn't know who Vanilla Ice and Paula Abdul were.
But that response was typical for him because he was 50 when I was born. The idea of a school gym filled with streamers and early 1990s hits was completely foreign to him as growing up during World War II was to me.
He was the same age as my friends' grandparents
Our half-century age gap made me miss out on a lot of things throughout my life. Although older fatherhood is certainly more fashionable and celebrated today, largely because of wealthy male celebrities, it certainly wasn't when I was growing up. Currently, the only unchallenged downsides for older parents are science-related, but there are plenty more emotional risks for the children who have to live with their parents' choices.
My childhood was very different from my peers and my siblings. My father was or was close to the age of the grandparents of my classmates. My friends' parents were 20 to 25 years younger than he was.
I was mortified when my best friend told me that my father and her grandmother were born a few weeks apart. Throughout elementary school, teachers and parents thought my father was my grandfather, and I quietly refused to participate in all parent-related activities. Trying to cheer me up, one of my teachers proudly shared that her father was born in the 1920s, too. Plenty of kids asked if I was a mistake, and their disbelief only intensified when I told them I wasn't.
My parents worked 80 hours a week
My father's disconnect with me wasn't due to any age-related issue. My parents were running a lucrative small business full-time in addition to their regular, full-time jobs. They happily worked 80-hour weeks. When my siblings were born, the business was very small. However, my parents began to rapidly expand their operations between the time I was born and high school, leaving them overworked, stressed, and anxious about the future.
Today, that age gap quietly persists. My husband's grandparents were the same age as my father. My father is 26 years older than my father-in-law and 32 years older than my mother-in-law. My in-laws' retired friends have parents the same age as mine. My cousins on my mother's side are 10 to 30 years older, so their childhood gang remains without me with no ill intent. Even my own siblings cannot identify with me because I'm the youngest, and we don't share the same memories of our parents.
A lot of the typical benefits of older parents didn't apply to my family
Older parents are supposed to be more emotionally prepared for their children. Whatever parental preparation my father had was canceled by our age gap. Pop culture, the social lives of teenage Gen X girls, extracurricular activities, student-led projects, slumber parties, and parental participation at school all frustrated him because he couldn't understand.
Being older can lead to a more established network of family and friends. However, in my parents' case, those people either didn't live near us or were past the point where they could provide support. My maternal aunts and uncles were becoming grandparents by the time I was born, and their fun aunt-and-uncle days were over. My paternal family lived in Europe, and most didn't speak English or travel.
There are many advantages to having kids later in life. However, not every child will happily weather the natural challenges of that arrangement. Those 50 years left a special void in my life, not just for a father who could comprehend my world but also for shared experiences with my peers, other siblings, and extended family.
Maria Reppas lives with her family on the East Coast. Visit her on Twitter and at mariareppas.com.