Bribing kids doesn't work in the long run. This is what parents should do instead.

• I would offer McDonald's to my kid to get him to do things he didn't want to.
• Bribes might get you out of the house faster, but they don't work long term.

"I don't want to go to school," my son would whine at a pitch much too high for a Monday morning. "What if I get you a McDonald's after?" I would plea in a bid to make it stop.

And there it was. The moaning would stop, and I could secure some silence. I doubt the long-term cost of this suggestion would be just a few dollars, though. I knew it was wrong, even as I said it, but I wanted the easy way out.

This was an opportunity to explore my son's feelings of discomfort, and instead, I dismissed it with the convenient offer of fries and a shake.

But there's a catch, bribes don't work long term.

Bribes are a quick fix

Parenting coach Megan Crowe explains how easy it is for parents to "get lost in our priorities." In moments of high stress, when we are trying to juggle, we often lose sight of the big picture.

While I viewed this admission from my child as an inconvenience to my morning — or worse, just an attention-seeking behavior — I failed to see, as Crowe puts it, the big picture: that my son "didn't want to disconnect from" me.

Offering rewards provides parents with a quick fix, which in a busy modern world, feels like a win. The problem is the underlying message that this practice sends to our child — that we should repress our feelings and that we are rewarded for it. "When it seems as though this approach works, it depends on what your true goals for your child are," Crowe said. Is it compliance to have an easier day or a child who feels confident to share their feelings?

If we consider the really big picture, it is understandable how the link between bribery and false compliance has the potential to lead to unhealthy adult behaviors such as people-pleasing and an inability to communicate and cope with our feelings.

Ask 'why' a lot

Crowe proposes that most of the time, when a parent is at the point of wanting to use bribery to solve a problem, "it is because that parent feels out of control." She recommends making an internal reminder to ourselves during these moments that "every behavior is communication for a need" — be it tantrums, tears, or as I perceived, "attention-seeking."

She recommends we get inquisitive with our kids and explore the "why" behind the behavior. The alternative narrative of "I hear you buddy, you really don't want to go to school today. What is it about school that makes you not want to go?" offers the child a safe space to offload their feelings, knowing you are there to respond — as opposed to the offer of a happy meal.

"Reflect back on what they are saying," Crowe said. "Give them your undivided time, make eye contact, and provide reassurance." If the issue is with our own mental load, we need to acknowledge this.

No parent is perfect

There is no such thing as the perfect parent — perhaps what is more important is a learning parent. There are always opportunities to grow from past experiences, and Crowe believes this is key to our success. "The more you learn about your personal triggers and how to disempower them, the more you will be able to stay regulated in these moments," she said.

Some parents might use tactics such as bribery simply because "they don't have time for tantrums," or others might be attempting to fix a problem because they don't know how to manage those big emotions.

I look to my own parenting and often see both of these themes. Bribes of McDonald's serve the dual purpose of saving time and the sense that I'm offering a "happy" solution to my children when they're in discomfort. Instead with my love and guidance I'll be helping them learn to express their emotions appropriately, which will better equip them in becoming healthy adults able to cope with stress as opposed to running from it.