7 questions I get asked most often as a mental strength coach

• Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, licensed clinical social worker, mental strength coach, and international bestselling author.
• In 18 years studying mental strength, she says people most frequently ask her how to get started building their mental strength, and how to tell if they're making progress.
• Struggling with mental health issues like depression or anxiety doesn't make you weak, Morin explains. Building mental strength is a steady, progressive process.
• If you can afford just five minutes a day to building your mental strength, Morin suggests practicing gratitude by identifying or writing down three things in your life that you're thankful for.

As a therapist, I was always interested in knowing what made people tick. But when I went through a series of losses in my own life, I set out on a personal journey to study what it takes to be mentally strong.

I've been studying mental strength for 18 years. I've spent the last seven years writing, speaking, and podcasting about what I learned.

My listeners, readers, and coaching clients often ask me the same questions about mental strength. Here are the top seven questions I get asked more than any other.

1. I want to be mentally strong but I don't know how to get started. What should I do first?

To jumpstart your mental fitness routine, eliminate the things that aren't working for you. Getting rid of bad habits is the fastest way to see results. Then, the good habits you employ later will be much more effective.

The approach is similar to what you might do to build physical fitness. Step one might involve eliminating sugary, calorie-dense foods from your diet. Then, the cardio you add in step two would help you get better results.

So take a look at the unhealthy mental habits you may want to change. Feeling sorry for yourself, focusing on things you can't control, and giving up after your first failure are just a few examples of things that will drain you of mental strength faster than you'll be able to build it with exercise.

2. How do I help someone else who needs mental strength?

One of the best things you can do to help someone else grow stronger is to become an inspiration for them through your own actions. You might talk about what has worked well for you and ask if they'd like any support.

Stay focused on your own choices and set healthy boundaries that might inspire change. For example, don't pay an adult child's rent if they're not invested in getting a job. Or don't answer the phone every time someone calls to complain about all the reasons why they're helpless. Changing your behavior might help someone else create positive change in their own life.

Remember, you can't force anyone else to become mentally stronger. They need to be motivated to do it for themselves. Lecturing, nagging, and pleading aren't effective ways to support someone.

3. Do I need a therapist or a coach to help me?

Some people are able to build mental strength on their own without the help of a professional. Other people find they do best when they get support to overcome certain obstacles or when they have someone helping them stay motivated.

If you're feeling stuck and you need someone's support in the here-and-now, like you want to launch a business but you're struggling with a little self-doubt, a coach might help you build confidence.

If you're dealing with a mental health issue, like depression or anxiety, or if you're struggling to overcome a traumatic past, contacting a licensed therapist can help you move forward.

4. If I only have five minutes every day to focus on building mental strength, what exercise should I do?

Gratitude is a mental muscle building superpower. Studies have linked gratitude to everything from increased happiness to longer life spans.

Identify three things you're grateful for every day. It only takes a minute but it can have powerful results. Not only will you think more positively and feel better, but you also might be inspired to take more productive action — all of which are hallmarks of mental strength.

5. If I struggle with a mental health issue like depression, does that mean I'm weak?

No, anyone can develop a mental health issue at any time. Mental strength can help you stay healthier (just like building physical strength can help you stay physically healthier) but it won't guarantee you won't ever develop an illness.

Some of the strongest people I've ever met were battling mental health issues. But they chose to keep building the mental muscle they needed to become the best versions of themselves they could.

6. How do I know if I'm making progress?

Seeing progress when you're building mental strength can be a challenge. It happens slowly over time so sometimes it's hard to notice the difference.

One of the best things you can do is look back at where you started. Ask yourself questions that will help you recognize the changes you've made:

• How has my thinking changed? Are you able to reframe negative thoughts? Do you practice more self-compassion than self-criticism? Have you stopped calling yourself names?
• How have my emotions changed? Are you better equipped to deal with uncomfortable emotions? Are you reaching for healthier coping skills?
• How has my behavior changed? Are you facing your fears rather than running from them? Are you challenging yourself? Are you making progress toward your goals?

When you take a little time to reflect on how you're changing, you might see that you've built some obvious mental muscle. Just keep in mind that sometimes, things have to get a little worse before they get better. For example, you might feel worse when you start facing your fears for the first time but that doesn't mean you aren't growing stronger.

7. I struggle with almost everything in life. Is there still hope for me?

Yes, everyone has the ability to grow stronger and become better. Building mental muscle isn't easy. It takes consistent effort to change unhealthy mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns.

If you are having a hard time creating change on your own, don't hesitate to ask for help. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.