3 people at 3 different stages of saving explain how they're working toward their big financial goals

Her goal: Pay off student loans, save for a down payment, build up an emergency fund.

After their August wedding, Dena Xavier and her husband, Sanjeev, started the conversation about what they wanted their life together to look like.

They decided to set three major financial goals: They wanted to pay off Xavier's student loans (which were in the mid-five figures), save for a 20% down payment on a home, and build up a cash cushion for emergencies.

They were living on the Upper East Side of Manhattan at the time, but their lease would end in October. They decided to move in with Xavier's in-laws on Long Island, where her husband's job was.

"That put the wheels in motion for us to make some bigger changes," Xavier said.

They started tracking their spending and shifted their lifestyle

Xavier tracks their progress on a Google sheet that she actualizes each month to make sure they're on track. The couple decided on their budget categories together and set a spending limit for each one.

Every month, they put time on the calendar to review the budget and their progress. Xavier said they make it a formal process because it helps them get into the right headspace to really focus and take it seriously.

"I can plan to enjoy my life but also know that I'm still contributing to the financial plan for my future as well," she said.

For example, since the couple was living on Long Island, she wanted to make sure she could still go out to dinner or brunch with friends when she was in the city, so they built that into the budget.

Moving out of New York City, budgeting for lifestyle expenses, cooking meals at home, and cutting back on shopping have Xavier and her husband on track to achieve their goal by March. Despite the loss of Xavier's income because of the COVID-19 pandemic, they've already paid off Xavier's loans and are splitting savings toward their down-payment fund and emergency nest egg.

Here are the 2 most important lessons she's learned while working toward her goal

1. Do the work to understand what you want and how to get there

If you're not thinking about the future and spending with intention, big financial goals can seem impossible, Xavier said.

"But once you start the work to understand your behaviors, where you're spending, what you want to save toward, and set a plan to get there, it becomes so much more manageable," she said.

1. Make the right kind of plan

You want to make sure you don't end up with a plan you don't stick to or don't fully understand, she said.

Instead, put a plan in place "where you can see the forest and the trees," Xavier said. That way, you can keep that big goal amount in mind, while also understanding all the little details of how you can save in each of your budget categories day to day.

His goal: Save $150,000 for a home before his 28th birthday.

Michael Burke was living at home with his parents in his native Ireland after finishing his graduate degree. He was working at a startup, and though his income was modest, saving came easily — he put money away every month until he'd saved about $20,000.

That all changed when he moved to New York City two and a half years ago.

"After 18 months, I was in the same position financially as when I first moved here," he said. Saving in New York, he said, was extremely difficult.

"I was contemplating moving back home or moving somewhere else," Burke said. "Then I just decided to knuckle down and figure out how to generate multiple streams of income" and put a plan in place for setting aside a certain amount of money every month.

He set clear goals and focused on increasing his income

"I realized I needed to be more disciplined in setting benchmarks for myself," Burke said.

So he broke his goal into short-, medium-, and long-term steps. In the short term, he wants to save at least $5,000 per month. In the medium term, he wants to save $150,000 by the end of his 28th year. In the long term, he wants to own a home by 30.

The company where he was working full time was pivoting to a new financial model. So Burke seized the opportunity to make a change in his compensation.

"Instead of asking for a raise, I went to my boss and basically asked if we could go into a revenue-sharing agreement," he said.

Burke would be paid a percentage of each of his clients' revenues, plus a percentage of the revenue of every new client he brought on.

Suddenly, his income wasn't capped anymore, he said.

Burke is on pace to meet his goal, though a decline in income because of the COVID-19 pandemic means he'll need to have "an above-average end to 2020."

Here are 3 of the most important lessons he's learned since setting his goal

1. Track your spending

One of the first steps Burke took was analyzing his bank statements to figure out exactly where all of his money was going.

He made note of every Uber he took, every dinner out, and every round of drinks with coworkers.

"All of these different things start to add up," he said.

He said he found himself saying, "Oh, I'm paying $36 a month for a Microsoft Office subscription that I don't really need."

1. Diversify income streams

On top of his primary job, Burke runs two online businesses that he founded. He also writes for Entrepreneur, One37PM, and other publications.

"It's crazy how it all can add up," he said.

1. Aim high

Burke said he believed that financial goals should feel like a bit of a stretch. Previously, when he was paid a regular salary rather than a revenue share, his savings goal was $100,000. But once he started making more money, he reevaluated his goal.

"I needed to move the goalposts a bit so I don't become too complacent," he said.

Her goal: Put her kids through college and build enough wealth to make work optional by 50.

"It was 1997. I was 30 years old, and I just felt like my husband and I were on a treadmill," Liz Carroll told Business Insider.

The couple, both of whom were working in sales, had just built a 4,600-square-foot home on 10 acres and were dealing with all the work and expenses that come along with that. One of their two children had just started at a private school that was over 20 minutes from their home.

She felt like their lives were complete chaos, she said.

"My husband and I just said, 'Wait a second. There has to be a better way,'" she said. "We wanted to mitigate some of the stress that we had created for ourselves."

About that time, one of Carroll's colleagues recommended Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace." Carroll read it and immediately told her husband to do the same.

They both quickly got on board with doing the math to set new goals for what they wanted their family to achieve.

"We were able to say, 'What do we want our lives to look like 20 years from now?'" she said.

They decided they wanted to have gotten both of their kids through college, paid off all debt, and have enough passive income to make work optional.

The end of the 20 years would coincide with their youngest child's college graduation and Carroll's 50th birthday.

They made changes decisively, strategically, and intentionally

Every decision they made after they had set their goals was extremely intentional, Carroll said.

They sold their home and moved to a state where there were more opportunities for career growth. They looked only at homes that were walking distance to where their children would go to school. They chose a home that was much smaller than they were used to, but they were able to put 50% down.

There were hiccups and unexpected obstacles along the way — Carroll's husband lost his job at one point, her father died, they went 100% over budget building a home, and their kids wanted to go to private school, which they hadn't budgeted for.

But because they had always lived below their means, they were able to take these challenges in stride.

"It didn't always happen this way, but our intention was to live on one income and invest the other in our vehicle of choice, real estate," she said.

Through a combination of living below their means, maximizing their earning potential in their careers, and profiting from their investment properties, they were able to reach their goals two years early. Now they are both retired, though they provide financial coaching to couples, and Carroll offers coaching to working moms on her own.

Here are 3 of the most important lessons she learned while working toward her goal

1. Communicate early and often

"We're multimillionaires at this point, and we don't spend more than $200 without talking to the other person about it," Carroll said.

2. Involve your kids in your financial life

"I think a lot of people try not to tell their kids about money," Carroll said.

But she and her husband wanted their kids to know about earning, budgeting, and saving. For example, they told their kids directly how much they had budgeted for their extracurricular activities so the kids could choose what they wanted to do accordingly.

3. Always expect change

"Even though you've got a rock-solid plan, things are going to change," she said. In every aspect of life, from careers to kids' needs and preferences, there will be sudden, unexpected shifts, so be prepared for it.