- It's healthy to feel sad after a relationship ends.
- That said, if this sadness lasts longer than two weeks, it could be depression.
Sometimes, depression can set in for no reason at all — but other times, it can be triggered by a life event like a breakup.
Depression after a breakup is especially likely if you're the type to tie your identity or self-worth to your romantic relationships, says Saunia Ahmad, a clinical psychologist and director of the Toronto Psychology Clinic.
Likewise, someone who has had bad experiences with breakups in the past might feel like history is repeating itself when they go through a breakup, making them more prone to post-breakup depression.
Oftentimes, depression won't just go away on its own, especially if you're unaware that it's there to begin with. It's important to identify if you might be depressed so you can get treated.
If you or someone you know recently ended a relationship, here are a few depression symptoms to keep an eye out for, as well as tips on how to treat them.
Are you depressed or just sad?
Depression and sadness are not the same thing.
It's healthy to feel sad after a breakup, says Luiza Lobo, a licensed therapist at The Calm Collective.
Ending a relationship represents a huge loss in your life and it's normal to grieve that loss. In fact, feeling your feelings actually helps you process the change in your life and move on.
Though depression includes feelings of sadness, it's also associated with a host of other worrying symptoms, like guilt, low self-esteem, and loss of appetite.
Unlike post-breakup sadness alone, depression persists after several weeks and can worsen over time. Depression can impact you in nearly all areas of your life, from your work to your relationships with family and friends. It can even throw a wrench into new romantic relationships, since it can reduce your ability to communicate, your libido, and your desire to date again.
If you're worried that you or someone you know is experiencing depression after a breakup, you can keep an eye out for depression symptoms including:
- Persistent depressed mood
- Lack of pleasure in things you previously enjoyed
- Fatigue
- Changes in appetite
- Loss of concentration
- Difficulty sleeping
- Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
In the short term, these symptoms can just be signs of normal post-breakup sadness. However, if you experience five or more of the above symptoms every day for two weeks, that's a good indicator you're dealing with depression.
When looking out for signs of post-breakup depression in someone else, Ahmad advises paying particular attention to how they talk about themselves.
If they use language that suggests that they think they're worthless, that they don't deserve to be in a relationship, or that they don't have hope for the future, that's a red flag for depression, she says.
How to heal from depression after a breakup
If you're experiencing depression after a breakup, it can feel like there's no good way to move forward. But there's actually a variety of different techniques that you can use to treat your depression.
Keep moving
Breakups often disrupt a lot of your daily routines. For those who thrive on structure, re-establishing healthy patterns like regular movement can be one good way to treat depression, Lobo says.
Not only does exercise release endorphins that improve mood, but it also boosts your energy when depression makes you feel fatigued.
Staying active doesn't have to mean just exercising, Ahmad notes. Anything that keeps you occupied can be helpful, from taking a walk to reading a new book.
Establish good sleep patterns
Similarly, establishing a healthy sleep routine can bring you back to structured daily patterns and fight depressive symptoms like insomnia or fatigue.
Lobo recommends a three-hour nighttime routine, which includes:
- Three hours before bed: start to dim your lights and create a cozy environment
- Two hours before bed: stop any exercise
- One hour before bed: turn off all screens
Try journaling
Journaling can be a great way to deal with negative or depressive thoughts.
"When you start writing things down, you start to process things differently," Ahmad says. "You identify your feelings, you identify what the breakup meant to you and why it's so upsetting, so you can grow from it and you can learn from it."
Try to work through some of your feelings on paper and see how it affects your mood.
Talk to a therapist or friends
If these day-to-day interventions aren't working, speak to friends or a mental health professional, Ahmad says.
You'll need to see a mental health professional to get officially diagnosed with depression, Lobo says. After you're diagnosed, they can help you work through your depressive symptoms and figure out a treatment plan. That might include medication or therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy.
Note: While talk therapy is very helpful to many, therapists cannot prescribe medications. If medication could be helpful, it's important to speak to a psychiatrist, nurse practitioner, or primary care physician.
Be kind to yourself
No matter what, try your best to be kind to yourself when you're feeling low. "It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be struggling. It's also okay to be depressed," Ahmad says.
"[For] some people, the breakup was too much to handle, and depression is a sign that your internal mental system is really struggling to come to terms with this, too," she adds.
Criticizing yourself for your reactions only strengthens your negative feelings and makes the situation worse.
How to prevent depression in the midst of a breakup
If you've just broken up with your partner, or visa versa, you might be wondering if there's anything you can do to keep depression at bay.
It's important to note that there's nothing you can do to definitively ward off depression. Still, there are a few different lifestyle changes you can make that can decrease your chance of developing depression after a breakup.
Self-care
The key thing to focus on after a breakup is self-care, Ahmad says. "When people have been in relationships, they haven't had time to really take care of themselves, because by definition, you're always thinking of things that work for you and your partner."
Taking care of yourself can build resilience and ward off mental illnesses including depression. A variety of behaviors can be part of self-care, including eating a balanced diet, drinking a lot of water, and ensuring you have enough time to sleep each day.
Avoid activities that remind you of your breakup
It's good to stay active after a breakup, but not if your activities remind you of your partner, because anything that reminds you of them is likely to keep the gravity and loss of your breakup close to the surface, Ahmad says.
If, for example, you two used to go hiking together every weekend, you might want to stay off the trails for a while. Likewise, if you bonded over your love of romance novels, your breakup might be a good opportunity to pivot and give the horror genre a try.
That said, avoiding these activities for too long can ultimately make it harder to return to them. When you feel ready, it's useful to push yourself to go back to the activities you did with your partner. You can do so with a friend, while listening to music or a podcast, or with the support of a therapist.
On the other hand, picking new activities and seeking out new social groups gives you a much-needed breather from your emotions.
Set boundaries
It's okay to protect yourself in the wake of your breakup, even if that means setting boundaries with your former partner, Ahmad says.
For instance, you might ask your former partner for space or say you don't want to communicate with them for a few months.
Even if you've decided you'd like to stay friends in the future, ensuring you have space to take care of yourself now can help you move past the breakup in a healthier way.
Insider's takeaway
If you think you're experiencing depression after a breakup, check in with a therapist or psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis.
You can use coping strategies like exercising, setting healthy sleep patterns, and talking to friends to mitigate your depression symptoms.
Remember, depression is a very treatable issue, and can even offer an opportunity for growth.
"When it comes to people feeling depressed after a breakup, it's a great opportunity to explore relationships and dating patterns and how you could approach relationships differently in the future," Ahmad says. "So as much as it's a painful time… see it as an opportunity, too."