Taking a relationship break? These 9 expert-approved tips can help you make the most of your time apart

• A relationship break offers space to explore things like compatibility, trust issues, or life stress.
• Experts advise discussing break length, goals, and how you'll keep in touch before you part ways.

If you need some time apart from your partner but don't feel ready to close the door on the relationship, you may find it helpful to take a break.

Relationship breaks are super common — and not just when dating: About 6%-18% of married couples have separated at some point.

Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho, a licensed social worker who works with couples, says some common reasons for needing a break include:

• Time alone to address personal trust issues or your fear of intimacy
• Re-evaluate your compatibility if you and your partner have different religious beliefs or mismatched goals for things like family planning
• Time alone to focus on personal issues like a stressful job or family situation

Trying to work through any relationship issues with your partner is always a good first step. But when no amount of discussion leads to a resolution, some space and time on your own may help you get some clarity on how to move forward.

The type of break you take — and how long it lasts — can vary, depending on your situation and specific needs. Ultimately, it's all about finding what works best for you.

That said, these nine therapist-approved tips can help you make your break a productive one.

1. Choose an endpoint

Kalley Hartman, a licensed marriage and family therapist with extensive experience treating couples and Clinical Director of Ocean Recovery, suggests agreeing with your partner on how long the break should last.

The more complex your issues are, the longer your break may need to be. If your partner isn't on board, you might consider a compromise like a shorter break, more frequent check-ins during the break, or temporary in-person visits.

2. Set clear expectations for the purpose of your break

De Carvalho advises clarifying what you both hope to get out of this time apart — and what you want from your relationship if you get back together.

For example, your goal for the break may involve figuring out changes you both need to make for the relationship to succeed, such as:

• Improving your work-life balance so you have more time for your partner
• Giving your partner space to address concerns that affect your relationship, like anger issues
• Taking some time to address serious mental health symptoms that get in the way of a healthy relationship, including severe depression, substance misuse, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Note: If your partner has a substance use disorder, De Carvalho advises approaching the topic with compassion and being specific about your expectations. For example, you might emphasize that a break offers an opportunity to focus on getting help and urge them to work with a therapist or join a treatment program.

Whatever your expectations are, sharing them ahead of time can help you find a common goal to work toward — and a 2021 study involving older couples linked having more joint goals to higher relationship satisfaction.

3. Decide if — and how — you'll communicate

Do you and your partner want to avoid texting each other, but schedule weekly phone calls to check in? Or would you prefer to cut off communication for the entirety of the break?

Hartman strongly advises discussing these types of things before taking some time apart.

You may also want to figure out if you'd like to keep certain subjects off-limits, like your relationship problems.

Lastly, Lola Noero, a licensed master social worker at Manhattan Therapy, suggests talking about how you'll handle social media.

If you feel it will help create some mental distance, you might opt to temporarily unfollow or mute each other, or turn off notifications for each other's posts.

4. Use this time for reflection

"Taking a break is an opportunity to focus on yourself and explore what you want out of the relationship," Hartman says.

With that in mind, consider using this time to reflect upon your personal values, goals, and expectations. That way, when you reunite, you have a better chance of determining whether the relationship still serves your needs.

Tara McGrath, a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice, recommends using a journal to prompt this kind of reflection.

You might try journaling about:

• Your goals for the break
• How your feelings evolve over the course of the break
• Your hopes and desires for how the relationship might change when you get back together

5. Set boundaries around dating

De Carvalho says it's important to make sure you're on the same page about dating other people during your break.

These boundaries can vary widely from relationship to relationship. A few important questions to ask each other:

• Will you remain exclusive and avoid dating others completely?
• Is it OK to go on dates, but not engage in physical intimacy with others?
• Are you free to have sex with other people?

Hammering out these kinds of details ensures you're both aware of what constitutes cheating during your break.

Quick tip: If you and your partner decide to date casually, you'll want to discuss how much information you'll share about these dates with each other.

6. Set boundaries around mutual friends

If you and your partner have mutual friends or are close with each other's family members, that's another topic you'll need to tackle before taking a break.

You may decide it's OK to hang out with mutual friends together — or to ask mutual friends to avoid inviting you to the same events.

When it comes to family members, you might agree not to communicate with each other's parents and siblings while on the break, unless an emergency comes up.

There's no right or wrong here, but establishing some ground rules around what's comfortable for both of you will minimize the risk of awkward or painful misunderstandings.

Quick tip: It's also a good idea to discuss whether you want to talk about the break with your family and friends.

7. Make the most of your "me" time

While it's totally natural to occasionally think about your partner or the relationship during the break, De Carvalho recommends focusing on yourself instead and making the most of your alone time.

"Take up new hobbies, meet with friends, or spend more time with family — re-engage with people and activities you may not have had much time for while in the relationship," she says.

Aim to participate in activities that help you reconnect with parts of yourself that may have gone unfulfilled in the relationship.

For example:

• If you've been yearning to tap into your creative side, consider taking a sculpting class or ask a friend to check out a photography exhibit with you.
• If spending most of your time with your partner got in the way of your workouts, take a few trial classes at local gyms and studios to find a physical activity you enjoy.

Note: Some evidence suggests people who choose to spend time alone may feel more relaxed and less stressed — possibly because they don't feel any pressure to meet others' expectations.

8. Allow room for missing your partner

If you find yourself missing your partner during the break, that's OK — in fact, it's very normal, according to Megan Harrison, a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice and founder of Couples Candy.

When you feel lonely, Harrison recommends using that as a cue to turn inward and ask yourself what your life is currently missing. For instance, you may actually crave more quality time with friends or a job that allows you to connect with others more regularly.

Important: If you feel intense anxiety about separating, that could point to a codependent relationship — a dynamic where you and your partner are overly emotionally reliant on each other. A 2022 study found that people in codependent relationships are more likely to view their relationship as problematic.

9. Work with a couples counselor

If you and your partner want to make things work but can't get past certain difficulties on your own, De Carvalho recommends seeking help from a professional.

Couples therapy provides a safe and supportive environment to:

• Discuss emotionally-charged topics, like how to handle finances or whether to have kids.
• Navigate and resolve any lingering concerns, like communication breakdowns, problematic relationship dynamics, or unproductive behaviors during conflict.
• Learn how to set boundaries and balance your needs with relationship needs.
• Determine whether staying together is the best decision for both of you, according to Hartman.

Couples therapy can last as briefly as three sessions or as long as 20 sessions. The length, and the approach you choose, depend entirely on your goals and the issues you want to address.

However long it lasts, couples therapy can do a lot of good — over three-quarters of couples say their relationship improved after counseling, according to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT).

If you suspect personal challenges — like attachment issues — are getting in the way of a healthy relationship, it could also help to try individual therapy during your break.

Quick tip: Not sure you're ready for couples therapy? You might opt for other outside resources instead, like self-help books, podcasts, or relationship improvement apps like Relish or Lasting.

Insider's takeaway

Taking a break from your relationship can help you gain some insight into your needs and expectations, work through personal issues, or reassess whether your partner is a good fit for you.

Just know there's no one-size fits all approach to taking a successful break. Only you and your partner can determine how to make it work — but defining a clear intent for your break offers a great place to start.

Keep in mind that there are some differences no amount of discussion may resolve — for instance, if one of you wants kids and the other doesn't. In these cases, you might need some time to determine whether you can still move forward in the relationship.

However, the more expectations and ground rules you can set when it comes to exclusivity, the length of the break, and how much you'd like to communicate, the more likely you'll benefit from your time apart.