Signs that you might be trauma-dumping instead of just venting, according to psychologists

• Trauma dumping is when someone shares traumatic details or events without another person's consent.
• Before confiding in someone, it's important to make sure that they can properly support you.

Trauma is devastating and talking about it with others can be an effective way to address it, but there is an important limit to this approach.

Medical term: The American Psychological Association defines trauma as "an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical."

When you share your trauma without consent from the listener — that's called trauma dumping.

While not a clinical term, trauma dumping is more than just confiding about tough topics within a trusted community.

"It is when a person overshares their emotions or emotional hardships with another person," says licensed psychologist David Tzall, whose specialties include trauma. "This oversharing is harmful to the other person's own wellbeing."

Ahead, Tzall as well as Tracey Marks, psychiatrist and author of "Why Am I So Anxious," share more about how to recognize trauma dumping — and how to overcome it (whether you're sharing or receiving the trauma).

What is trauma dumping?

Trauma dumping looks very different from a healthy conversation because it is one-way, where the sharer is doing most of the talking.

People tend to trauma dump for a range of reasons. When someone experiences trauma, their brain is consistently on the lookout for potential threats: leaving their fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response activated even when threats are not actually there.

Additionally, a traumatic memory is not stored in the same way as non traumatic memories, which makes it more difficult for the memory to not feel distressing.

Because a traumatic memory occupies more space in your mind, sharing it with a friend or loved one may alleviate the discomfort and stress that's felt. However, if this is done without consent, it can cause the listener discomfort and stress.

Why trauma dumping is unhelpful

Trauma dumping won't help you heal from the experience because, while it temporarily reduces the pain from your trauma, it does not address the underlying and long term challenges caused by the trauma.

And because of the temporary, quick relief trauma dumping provides, if you do not learn how to process your trauma in a more healthy way, the cycle will continue.

And this isn't just an issue for the trauma sufferer. Dumping can be harmful to the listener, too.

"It can also harm relationships and burn bridges," Tzall says.

How to overcome trauma dumping

If you recognize that you have been nonconsensually sharing trauma with those close to you, first try to find another outlet to express yourself. Marks suggests journaling as catharsis.

Important: Journaling can be a helpful resource for some who have experienced trauma, but for others, it can worsen the distressing memory, especially for severe forms of trauma like from rape or war. If you are unsure of whether journaling would be right for you, discuss it with a mental healthcare provider beforehand.

"It is therapeutic to get thoughts out of your head onto paper," Marks says. "Journaling your thoughts also has the advantage of allowing you to review old issues and track your progress."

Beyond that, it may be time to seek help from a professional therapist. "Trauma dumping can be a sign of many relational and emotional issues; the individual may not have the resources on their own to decrease this behavior," Tzall says. "It might be too difficult to stop this on their own if they learned to adapt to this for so long."

Marks agrees that professional help may be in order. "A therapist is the best option as that person is trained to listen attentively and help you process the emotions," she says. "If you unload the bulk of your burdens onto your therapist, you won't need your friends as much to talk about your negative experiences."

There are several approaches to treating trauma, Marks explains. She notes the most studied therapies are cognitive processing therapy, prolonged exposure therapy, and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).

Tzall also notes the methods of acceptance and commitment therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, and interpersonal/attachment therapies are also used.

"Movement therapy, drama therapy, and music therapy can do wonders for the mind-body connection," he adds. "Meditation, yoga, and martial arts are additional treatment avenues to get in touch with your body."

If you suspect you might be trauma dumping, try these steps to communicate with your support system without overstepping boundaries:

• First, get consent: "Asking permission from the other person is always acceptable," Tzall says
• Ask for help making an action plan: "Let your support system know that you are overwhelmed and don't know how to deal," he says.
• Write it down (if applicable): Tzall suggests writing out what you wish to communicate and letting the other person digest it when they have the mental and emotional headspace.
• Acknowledge the listener's perspective: Holding space for the listener and recognizing their capacity allows for a healthier conversation for all involved. How to support someone who trauma dumps to you

When someone trauma dumps to you, show your support by leading with empathy and patience. You don't want to "leave them feeling shamed for sharing," Marks says.

She suggests gently saying things like:

• "I know you've been having trouble."
• "Sometimes I don't know how to respond to what you say, or sometimes it's hard for me to hear it."
• "I think it may be hard for some other people too."
• "I want to be there for you, but it would be easier if we didn't always start with the problems, or if you didn't give all the details, or if you pause and give people a chance to respond."

If you recognize someone doing it to you, Tzall says that it is appropriate to bring this up to them. He explains that it's best to point out what you don't like or how their actions are making you feel rather than labeling it as trauma dumping.

"[They] may take offense to the name and the family member or friend will lose sight of what they wanted to accomplish," he says. "You are setting a boundary and enforcing it which is always commendable."

If you are routinely being trauma dumped on, protect yourself and uphold boundaries by being firm. "It takes some emotional fortitude to say this but they can interrupt the person before they get too far into the story and say, 'I want to hear what you're saying, but I can't give you my full attention on this because it overwhelms me.'"

And if the relationship is truly dangerous, cutting off communication with a chronic dumper may ultimately be the right course of action. "Cutting ties with unhealthy relationships is healthy and necessary," Marks says. "If the other person refuses to respect the boundaries or gets defensive when their behavior is brought up, leaving the relationship may be a reality."

Insider's takeaway

Trauma dumping isn't just about sharing your feelings — it's oversharing without regard for consent or reciprocity from the listener(s).

This is not a practical or effective way to heal from trauma. And it could also traumatize the listener or damage the relationship.

Depending on the type of trauma, a trauma dumper may benefit from journaling or seeking help from a professional therapist. And a listener should make sure to set boundaries.