Courtesy of Claudia Duran
Enough with the games, says Claudia Duran, pictured.
- Common dating mistakes include texting instead of talking and playing games instead of being upfront with their feelings.
- That's according to Claudia Duran, a Miami-based matchmaker with dating service Elite Connections.
- This post is part of Relationships 101, a series which aims to help us all be happier and healthier in love - and to stop fighting over who should take out the trash.
Claudia Duran has seen it all.
The Miami-based matchmaker works with dating service Elite Connections, and she's helped everyone from a 35-year-old MBA whose family is paying for his membership to a 73-year-old widower who is the CEO of a commercial real-estate company.
But Duran has watched people of all backgrounds fall into the same traps when it comes to finding a relationship. We chatted by phone this summer, and she told me about some of the most common pitfalls - plus how to avoid them.
Being too embarrassed to tell friends you're looking for a relationship
Friends are a great resource for finding potential dates, Duran said. But people can be unnecessarily shy about their romantic ambitions.
It's all about "being a little more communicative and vulnerable," Duran said. In other words, telling your friends, "Hey. I'm really looking to meet someone special. Do you know somebody you could introduce me to?"
As Duran put it, "Ask and you shall receive."
Another alternative Duran suggested is hanging out at clubs, sports games, charity events, and the like - the point is to find someone who shares your interests.
Playing games instead of being upfront about your feelings
Too many of Duran's clients complain to her, "He [or she] hasn't called" or, "Why hasn't he [or she] made a date?"
A better option, Duran said, is to simply tell the person you're seeing, "I like you. I really like you. I think you're super cool."
Chances are, they'll be pleased with your honesty - and might even reciprocate your feelings. "People like that, and they respond well to that," Duran said.
Texting everything instead of talking on the phone or in person
Duran's personal term is "death by text." It happens when two people like each other, but are hesitant to make their feelings too obvious. So they hide behind a screen.
Yet Duran said the meaning of a text message can be easily "misconstrued." And some people take offense if their partner waits a (seemingly) long time before writing back.
Duran encourages all her clients to either speak on the phone or meet up in person whenever possible. "Particularly when they start having feelings for each other," she said. "It's really important."