Business Insider
Dear Insider,
Confused by my boss
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Dear Confused,
I can imagine how stressful this situation must be for you. After nearly two decades of excelling at your job, it must be incredibly disorienting to suddenly find yourself being treated like a problem employee.
It might make more sense if your boss hated you right off the bat and could be written off as a personal vendetta. But his sudden shift in attitude makes the situation all the more confusing.
The main reason bosses start acting aloof is because they are disappointed in an employee's performance, according to experts. Think back to the last projects you were involved in before the falling out. Were there any missed deadlines? Did your team deliver what your boss wanted? Were there any clashes?
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Regardless of his reasons, your boss' handling of this situation is egregious. He owes you - at the very least- feedback and an explanation of what went wrong so you have the chance to improve and make amends. The fact that he denied things were different is incredibly confusing and frustrating.
You're understandably afraid of your boss. But I would have another conversation with him. Instead of point blank asking him what the problem is, ask how you can work toward privileges like being involved in planning meetings or overseeing projects.
It's possible that if you initiate feedback in a less confrontational way, he will offer you more feedback and clues. If you matter-of-factly say, "I'm very interested in being involved in the planning stages of projects. How can I work toward this?" your boss can't deny there is a problem. He has to provide some kind of explanation.
You say he has been "deeply critical" of your projects. Are his critiques consistent or confusing? If you find inconsistencies, I would also bring these up and ask for more clarification. For instance, "Dan, I noticed you asked for more data on Project X, and less data on Project Y. What is an example of a presentation that impressed you?"
Before this meeting, resolve to stay calm regardless of his words. Don't get defensive. Nod and thank him for his feedback. If he asks you to do something different, say something simple like, "Yes, I will," (a phrase that is proven to help you gain trust at work.)
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I understand how unhappy you must be because of your boss' behavior. I agree that it would be foolish to walk away from such a large sum of money you can gain in a short period of time. Unless you can get another company to match that sum, the best decision at the moment may be to stay put.
Business author Dan Pink has some great tips about how to stay sane in a toxic work environment. These include analyzing what makes you happy about your job, structuring your schedule around coworkers who bring you joy, and writing down three good things at the end of each day.
Your boss is already abusing his position of power and making you miserable. Don't let him be the reason you make a decision you might come to regret.
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Ashley Lutz is a senior editor at Business Insider answering all your questions about the workplace. Send your queries to asktheinsider@businessinsider.com for publication on Business Insider. Requests for anonymity will be granted, and questions may be edited.