Almost Friday! Dan DeFrancesco in NYC, and I'm laughing at the new terms rich people are coming up with to make themselves feel younger.
On tap, we've got stories on JPMorgan cracking down on ChatGPT usage, why you might get laid off by a robot, and (speaking of aging) the foods you need to try before you die.
But first, the (VC) kids are NOT alright.
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1. Mistakes were made.
The grass isn't always greener on the other buy side.
Insider's Stephanie Palazzolo and Madeline Renbarger have a fascinating report on how young venture capitalists who came from investment banking and consulting are not having a good time.
In short, VC funds looked like a very fun place to work in 2020 and 2021, when they had plenty of cash to play with and there was no shortage of deals.
But it turns out that life as a venture investor isn't just Patagonia vests, Allbirds, and green drinks. A downturn in the market has meant that young investors can't just write checks for startups that land in their lap and then watch their valuations double every six months. In fact, they might actually have to *gasps* spend time trying to source their own deals.
I encourage you to read Stephanie's and Madeline's story, which has all the juicy details about the current environment for young VCs.
I've written a lot about how young investment bankers view their jobs as a means to an end, as opposed to an actual career. But as Stephanie's and Madeline's reporting points out, it turns out that "end" isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Timing has a lot to do with why young VCs are feeling like they've gotten such a raw deal. While VCs were booming, junior bankers felt burnt out from an endless deal flow and countless all-nighters.
But 2020 and 2021 were the exceptions, not the rule. To make a sports analogy, think of New England. A Boston fan born in 2000 saw their local pro teams win 12 championships by the time they turned 18. And while it could be easy to get used to a championship parade every year, that's simply not sustainable.
In other news:
2. I want AI not B.S.! So you want to make some money investing in artificial intelligence but you don't want to get caught up in the buzzword bingo Wall Street loves to play. We've got you covered. Here are tips from four tech fund managers about how to invest in AI without getting caught up in the hype.
3. JPMorgan wants its employees to cool it with the ChatGPT stuff. The largest US bank is restricting use of the chatbot internally over regulatory concerns. No word on if it's cracking down on bankers having virtual romances.
4. The robot would like a word with you. As if companies couldn't get more callous when it comes to layoffs, HR leaders have said they plan on using AI to help them decide who gets laid off. More on why R2-D2 is about to fire you.
5. Go woke, go broke...but first please donate to my campaign. Politicians talking out of both sides of their mouths? Color me shocked! Republican lawmakers were happy to take campaign donations from some of the companies they criticized for their ESG initiatives, CNBC reported. Meanwhile, here's a list of the 12 conservative officials who have been the most vocal about "woke capitalism."
6. Stop me if you've heard this before: Regulators are investigating Wells Fargo. This time the bank is being looked at over how it handles employees using "unapproved" messengers, Reuters reported. For more on why Wall Street is addicted to communication tools like WhatsApp, WeChat, and Signal, click here.
7. If you're in the market for a $200 million mansion, I have a place for you! This nine-bedroom estate is located on the island of Mustique, a popular Caribbean vacation destination for celebs like Mick Jagger. Check out photos of one of the most expensive homes for sale in the world.
8. The tough road ahead at Warner Bros Discovery. CEO David Zaslav has his work cut out for him as the company reports earnings after the bell today. From an update on strategies around streaming and sports to more potential layoffs, here's what to expect.
9. Around the world in 80 116 days. With all due respect to Jules Verne, this trip seems like a bit more fun. For only $13,200 per person you can sail to 50 destinations across 21 countries. Here's the full rundown on the cruise that's going to set sail in 2025.
10. Some meals worth your cheat day. We've got 60 famous foods from around the world you must try before you die. Check out the entire list here. And while this list is pretty comprehensive, there is one glaring omission: cold-cheese pizza.
Curated by Dan DeFrancesco in New York. Feedback or tips? Email ddefrancesco@insider.com, tweet @dandefrancesco, or connect on LinkedIn. Edited by Jeffrey Cane (tweet @jeffrey_cane) in New York and Hallam Bullock (tweet @hallam_bullock) and Nathan Rennolds (tweet @ncrennolds) in London.