I never planned to be a stay-at-home mom, but now that I am, I'll never let money take me by surprise again

• I never planned to be a stay-at-home parent, but I became one after I was laid off.
• I freelance now, but I don't earn a full-time salary.
• I'm more involved in our family's finances than ever, and I have a backup plan for my future.

Growing up, I had a stay-at-home mom who did it all — joined the PTA, ferried me to and from soccer practices, spent afternoons at the park and lazy summer days at the pool. She never worked outside the home, at least until I was older.

But I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom myself. My plans were to be a full-time writer, to live in New York and maybe have one kid in my late 30s, then hire a really good nanny. Two kids, four moves, and a house in suburban Florida later, that's not quite how things panned out.

When I was pregnant with my oldest, the media startup I worked for folded, and since I was a contractor I was laid off, seven months pregnant, with no severance or other options on the horizon. That's when I went full-time freelance, writing and editing for a bevy of clients for the past five years. Though I've been steadily working since then, I'm not making a full-time salary.

Here's how I came to terms with being a stay-at-home mom (or, technically, a work-at-home mom, or a WAHM), how I managed to keep earning on the side, and why the latter was so desperately important to me.

Recognize that our country's maternity leave is broken

I hate to get political right off the bat, but I think we can all agree that paid family leave in our country is appalling — a burden largely shouldered by new mothers.

US labor law allows eligible employees to take up to 12 weeks of parental leave, but it's unpaid. Some women are forced to go back even earlier because of job expectations or financial needs. When I had my first child, my husband enjoyed a full eight weeks of unpaid paternity leave, while I returned to my freelance business just three weeks after giving birth.

What's more, once women return to the workforce, they return to a situation that can be unwelcoming, even untenable for new mothers: think childcare nightmares, limited pumping schedules, dwindling sick days. Then there's the "motherhood penalty," a term to describe the pay cut that new mothers can encounter (research has suggested that mothers in the US make about $0.70 for every dollar a father makes).

I'm more involved in our family's finances than ever

Just because you aren't earning a salary doesn't mean you shouldn't worry about your finances. In fact, it's all the more reason to keep a close eye on things.

When I became a stay-at-home mom, I made it a point to be even more involved with my family's finances, even though I am not a numbers person. I made sure my husband and I were on the same page with our monthly budget, contributions to our retirement accounts, and saving for our kids' educations. I also made sure we were equal owners of all bank accounts, our mortgage, our cars, and our investment portfolio, including both kids' 529 college-savings accounts.

One of my biggest concerns when I went full-time freelance was what would happen to my retirement savings. While my husband has a hefty, employer-matched 401(k), I was left with a measly IRA, basically fending for myself. Since then, we've maxed out my IRA and opened a SEP IRA, which allows for higher annual contributions. This has helped me feel like I'm on more even footing when it comes to saving for retirement.

It's worth noting that any discussions between my husband and me about who makes the bulk of the money are off-limits. He knows that my having an unpaid full-time gig doesn't mean anything in regard to who has the right to spend what. It just means our country's broken when it comes to supporting working moms.

I always have a backup plan

While our marriage is a happy one, you never know what the future holds. Divorce happens. Partners die unexpectedly. Familial situations change. That's why I stay relevant in my field, maintain steady earnings, and keep my old journalism and grad-school contacts fresh. Because one day I may have to return to the workforce full time to support my children — and I don't want to be caught flat-footed.

From a financial perspective, I make sure I know every bank account, every password, the names and contact information of our lawyer and financial advisors, even that we both have a valid last will and testament. I've witnessed enough death to know it's never pretty when a husband dies and a wife is left not knowing where the money is or who to call for the husband's will. It's also wise to know who is entitled to or is the beneficiary of all accounts, especially retirement accounts.

And before you judge me (or my marriage) based on my "backup plan," know that my husband is fully supportive. He knows he married a feminist — even if our situation looks a little different than you might think.

• Read more from Women of Means:
• As a queer woman, I never thought I'd be able to buy a home or build wealth — but I did, and a perspective shift made all the difference
• I spent my 20s living life to the fullest — and when I looked up, I was $57,000 in debt. Paying it off has changed my life.
• What to know about the scarcity mindset and how it affects women and their finances — and 6 ways to avoid it
• 5 strategies that helped a 31-year-old travel to 27 countries and save for a home at the same time