18 Things Every Man Should Take Out Of His Closet And Burn

Nothing says 'I'm an adult' like dressing like you did in 2001.

The actual purpose of the Teva as an article of clothing remains unclear. Are they for running? No. Lounging on the beach? Surely there are better shoes for that. Hiking? Wouldn't one want to go with a close-toed shoe for that.

One can only come to the conclusion that these shoes were created to embarrass whoever is wearing them.

And you don't want to embarrass yourself, do you?

Obama yes. Chris Christie no, no, no.

Whether the jacket is part of a suit or actual outer wear, please keep in mind that the modern man's look is more tailored.

And by tailored we mean it's meant to make you look slim and comfortable, not big and drowning in your own clothes.

We're not sure when these were in style, but they now seem to occupy this vortex where fashion goes into a zombified state and continues to live on after death. Help us make it stop.

If you don't have important things to put in your pockets — all your pockets — do not wear these. The legs are usually unfashionably wide anyway. This goes for shorts and pants.

See Jamie's belt? Do not wear Jamie's belt.

If you are a dad that's really still not an excuse. You can do better.

No one should wear trunks this long anymore guys. And you should absolutely not have pockets that weigh your shorts down and turn them into super low riders.

Get a decent pair of swim trunks that fit around the waist and hit just above the knee.

Since these have been put together so artfully in this picture, we'll address them both at once.

Trucker hats were popular for a dark, thankfully brief period in American culture. We can all forget that now and move on if we all do it together.

As for beaded necklaces, they're not for grown-ups ... period.

It is highly, highly unlikely that you can pull off a fedora. If you really think you can wear one, ask multiple people (some who love you, some who don't) if you're right.

You're going to need multiple okays.

No you cannot wear your cutoff shirt to the gym. It still looks ridiculous.

Beanie hats are for adorable children and inclement weather. They are not a hat that an adult male should wear indoors.

If you absolutely must keep your hemp jewelry consider it a costume piece only to be worn when you take your little brother to his first Dark Star Orchestra concert.

First off, whatever it says, it's probably not that funny.

And, unless you belong to a specific subset of hipsters (fine if that's what you're going for), you look like a child.

Maybe don't throw these out, just only wear them when you're in the woods. Or fishing. Or running for your life on a really bright day.

Otherwise, no.

You are not Robocop.

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