Female, 40, With Grown Kids? Don’t Fall For The Deadly Web

Mumbai-based Purba Malhotra (not her real name) follows a weird routine. It’s mostly well past midnight when she begins her online rendezvous and continues till the wee hours. She feels it’s pretty normal to play games, check shopping sites and chat up with online friends (most of them from outside India and from different time zones) although “it’s a bit late in the day and the world closer to home is sound asleep.”

But the catch lies elsewhere. Purba is not a busy professional, compelled to live her digital life during late hours. She is a home-maker with two grown kids who are in college. So unlike many working women, she has some long and leisurely afternoon hours to spend online. But the night rendezvous is a must for her because she feels restless and wide awake. Don’t laugh it off as a strange whim. Purba and her likes could be suffering from Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD).

What’s responsible – female gene or dopamine?
Internet overuse is not recognised as a medical condition in India. Even the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (a handbook updated annually by the American Psychiatric Association) has not listed it although Internet Gaming Disorder is under the scanner. Yet, IAD can take over your daily life as you stay stuck to your PC/tab/smartphone for long hours. But what causes the craving and who all are prone to this silent stalker?

Medical professionals are yet to determine what causes this condition but researchers at the University of Bonn have found a biological link between Internet addiction and smoking addiction, pinpointing it to a specific gene – and it’s usually found in women. Also, most Internet addicts are avid online gamers – the majority of whom, at least in the US and the UK, are women aged between 38 and 48.

Things are not too different in India and loads of women are getting hooked in the name of getting tech savvy. After all, mobile Internet is growing at a break-neck pace in the country and a Net-enabled device doesn’t cost one more than a couple of thousands. Cheap Internet and easy technology are a sure ‘pull’ for women past their 30s, not actively involved in any job (loads of time) and not looking after small kids (obligations are less), says a Delhi-based counsellor who has had more sessions with ‘mums’ than their geeky kids.

“It is mostly the feeling of loneliness and isolation that drives women to the wildly diverse and thickly populated cyberspace,” says a Kolkata-based doctor on condition of anonymity. Does that mean kitty parties and shopping sessions, ideal pastime for the idle, are going out of fashion? Not really. Internet appeals most because of its ‘anytime, anywhere access to anything under the sun’ that no other social activity can offer.

Another reason for Net addiction could be the brain chemical called dopamine, which is released as a result of rewarding experiences. The instant connect-and-comment mechanism on social media makes one feel larger than life. That, in turn, releases dopamine, makes us feel good and we crave for another dopamine high – a vicious circle that keeps us logged on for hours.

Red flags
Spending longer hours does not always mean one is an Internet addict. But check out these tell-tale signs that can land you in trouble.

When you can’t stop surfing: Checking e-mail can get obsessive, but you actually hit the peak when you browse anything and everything (listlessly, at best) that comes your way. It’s a normal practice, you say? Remember, it doesn’t add any value to your life or work. You are doing it without any purpose just because you can’t stop clicking.

When you can’t stop gaming: Do you skip meals, give up sleep, abandon TV and forgo work to finish that particular gaming level and move up without delay? Do you beg friends, relatives and colleagues for free gifts to enhance your gaming experience? Do you consider borrowing money to buy gaming products (assuming you have already used up your funds)? Let’s face it – you are hooked.

When you thrive on social media: When a friend got 400-plus Facebook connects in a week, she came up with a confession. “I must have gone overboard – I need fewer people but more quality and better connects,” her FB post reads. Those targeting hundreds of friends on social media, commenting intensely and sharing every feed simply validate that they are living an unsatisfactory life offline and want to make it up online.

When you revel in chats: Often an exhilarating experience, especially if one is lacking in confidence and looking for an ego boost. Nearly 75% of Internet addicts suffer from relationship problems and seek to project a better image in cyberspace. If you love visiting each and every chatroom as soon as you get online, it’s time to seek help.

What you can do
Digital detox centres are rare in India – so check out these simple remedies that can keep you untangled and Internet fit.

Listen: If you are online and people ask you what you are doing so late, they have a point. Take hint, go offline and read yourself to sleep.

Work: Idle time on the Internet may entice you, but what about setting up a grinding schedule online? Enrol for an online self-study course or read some informative content. Better still, try and make some money while you are in cyberspace. Take paid surveys and find freelance work – all these can add up to a nice sum.

Disengage: Don’t stay online unless you HAVE to. Cut out on devices and Internet time. Checking your mail twice or even thrice a day should be enough. So don’t indulge in long hours.

Get real: Get a life, offline. Go for an outing; do some volunteer work in your spare time and expand your circle of friends and relatives. Your quality of life will improve dramatically and the virtual world will lose much of its hold on you.

Image: IntelFreePress on Flickr