What it's like to film a sex scene, according to the intimacy coordinator for Hulu's steamy show 'Normal People'

• Intimacy coordinators are responsible for choreographing simulated sex between actors. They've become an important part of movie and TV sets in recent years.
• Ita O'Brien is an intimacy coordinator who's worked on shows like "Watchmen," "Gentleman Jack," and recently, Hulu's steamy new series "Normal People."
• Insider spoke to O'Brien about her experience on set and what she wants people to know about her unique and occasionally challenging profession.
• According to O'Brien, agreement, consent, and communication are some of the most important parts of filming a sex scene that satisfies the director's vision while keeping the actors safe and comfortable.
• She also said sex scenes are choreographed in minute detail and that creating these scenes can enhance the characters.
• Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.

Filming sex scenes can cause awkwardness and anxiety for even the most seasoned actors and directors. That's where intimacy coordinator Ita O'Brien comes in.

O'Brien works as a movement director and intimacy coordinator for film, television, and theater productions, meaning she's well versed in choreographing all kinds of sex scenes.

In addition to her work on set, she's also pioneered a rule-book of sorts for productions wanting to use best practices for sex scenes — the "Intimacy on Set" guidelines, part of an organization she founded (called Intimacy on Set) that can also provide intimacy coordinators, consulting, or training to productions if needed.

Insider spoke to O'Brien about what it's like to choreograph sex in movies and TV.

O'Brien says on-screen sex is less about the chemistry between actors and more about character development

The drama focuses on two young Irish people, Marianne (Daisy Edgar-Jones) and Connell (Paul Mescal) as they fall in love, break each other's hearts, and have lots of sex, ranging from awkward to mind-blowing.

Speaking to Insider via Zoom, O'Brien said that choreographing sex successfully is less about chemistry or the intrapersonal relationship between actors, and more about maintaining boundaries and an open line of communication between all parties, including the director.

She also stressed the power of a "positive no," wherein an actor can express their physical boundaries without fear of repercussions, and the importance of "agreement and consent." And for the intimacy coordinator, taking the character's sexuality, not the actor's, into consideration is key.

"It's not as if you have dialogue and then suddenly — now they're there, they're making love," O'Brien said. "All of it is just a continuation of the communication between characters, be it in the text or in physical dance."

How, where, and when characters have sex matters, according to O'Brien

On "Normal People," Connell and Marianne's sexual encounters change as they both grow older and have more sexual experiences with different partners. In one of their earlier sex scenes, the two have an awkward, fumbling encounter in Connell's bedroom, with neither one of them being particularly adventurous, or even experienced, sexually.

Later, however, once they've gotten older, broken up, and gotten back together again, they reconnect and have passionate sex on the floor of the bedroom, changing positions frequently. O'Brien revealed that the nuances of the sex scenes — both the awkward and more passionate ones — were carefully planned to reflect both Connell and Marianne's sexuality.

"Connell's character had had sex before. He has had that experience, and he's more empowered or embodied with that," O'Brien said of the couple's early sex scenes, mentioning that for Marianne, during her first sexual encounter with Connell, "there's a desire, there's an openness, but there's a lack of experience."

"Where does that sit in the body? Where is that nervousness in the body?" O'Brien said of choreographing Marianne losing her virginity to Connell early on in the show.

Conversely, O'Brien said, Connell and Marianne's sexual encounter later on in the show (several years after the start and end of their relationship) was meant to convey their more mature sexuality.

"The scene when they get back together in episode 11: They're older, they're 24, so they have more sexual experience. They have more sexual confidence, like they're more confident in changing positions and so on," O'Brien said.

"That scene on the floor in the bedroom in episode 11 — not on the bed but on the floor — that was a deliberate choice to get it to show their maturity in their sexual expression," she told Insider, adding that the nuances of the characters' sexual arc are always a factor when choreographing intimacy.

Sex scenes can be choreographed down to minute details like how long a gaze lasts or where a character is touched

"People are embarrassed to talk about sex," she said, blaming a lack of "focus on open communication and talking about the intimate content professionally" for leaving both actors and directors "vulnerable" during a sex scene. There's also pressure for two costars to have "chemistry," something O'Brien says isn't necessary for a believable sexual encounter onscreen.

"If we're sculpting the scene really clearly — from looking down, a flick up, a gaze, a connection, how long do you hold that gaze, or reaching out — the idea of chemistry, you can actually sculpt and choreograph all of that detail that brings that frisson, that brings that excitement, just by how you sculpt that journey, these two people coming together," she told Insider.

O'Brien also revealed that sometimes, actors are forced to put their real-life sexual knowledge to use during a scene, which can lead to some uncomfortable moments at best and potentially triggering experiences at worst.

"Of course, while everybody has their own personal sexual expression, what is this sexual expression that serves this character in this moment?" she said. "The risk is that your personal and private intimate body is at play. And that needs to be checked out."

"Not everybody knows how to do a waltz, so we need a choreographer. Not everybody knows how to do swordplay, so bring in a stunt coordinator, but everybody does sex," she said of the mindset that could force some actors to use their own sexuality (instead of that of their character's) during a scene.

Intimacy coordinators are becoming more essential on sets

Now, however, O'Brien — who's worked on shows like "Sex Education," "Gentleman Jack," and "Watchmen" — says that she's seen some directors become more receptive and respectful of her work, which often requires her to research sexualities that she's not familiar with herself.

"If the sexual expression is outside my experience, I research it," O'Brien told Insider. "When I was doing 'Gentleman Jack,' I'm a heterosexual woman, so I researched queer and lesbian intimacy. That's where you do your research, so you make sure that you're honoring the physicality that's demanded within that script."

O'Brien also said that despite some lingering resistance to her work, some directors (like Lenny Abrahamson, director of "Normal People") and producers are becoming more receptive and understanding of it, leading to some truly standout sex scenes.

"I did an amazing orgy on a production called 'Gangs of London,'" she revealed. "We had two main cast members, five adult performers, and 10 supporting artists. It was just a beautiful experience. I felt we created some work that served the storytelling, some scenes that really gave beauty to the male form."

Ultimately, O'Brien says choreographing a sex scene can enhance a production

"It's about bringing in best practice, bringing in empowerment, and understanding that we as intimacy coordinators bring a skill to choreograph the intimate content so that the actors are free to really serve character and serve storytelling," she told Insider.

"Trust that we are there in service. It's not about just protecting actors," she added. "While that's part of it, it's absolutely to serve the production, serve the director's vision, and then to serve the actors, to create a really safe and empowered environment to create the best work they can."