The Weird Barbie Mattel is selling isn't weird enough

• Mattel is selling a Weird Barbie designed to look like Kate McKinnon's character in "Barbie."
• But the version of the doll just isn't weird enough.

We all had a Weird Barbie.

She was the doll designated for disastrous redesign by our little-kid hands. The one who had chopped off hair, a missing limb, and wore mismatched outfits haphazardly plucked from our Barbie Dream Closets.

Weird Barbie never had a name. Instead, her unanimous existence is yet another sliver of proof that we all lived some version of the same childhood.

Until recently, when "Barbie" movie director Greta Gerwig brought this idea — and this Barbie — into the mainstream and tapped Kate McKinnon to portray a universal Weird Barbie for the multi-million-dollar blockbuster hit.

Gerwig has said her interpretation of Weird Barbie was a doll that has been "played with too much," telling Rolling Stone last month that she was often the recipient of "hand-me-down Barbies" in her childhood that "had already gotten a haircut by the time I got them."

"It was like, 'Well, we have to do that,'" she told Rolling Stone. "It felt almost like a spiritual conduit to the world of play through that Barbie."

McKinnon hilariously portrayed Gerwig's vision — complete with a choppy haircut that sticks up in all of the wrong places, colorful drawings adorning her face, a hot pink dress that appears to be splattered with paint, and the ability to almost always be in the splits.

Mattel on Friday revealed that Barbie lovers no longer have to live in a world without official Weird Barbies — the toy company created a version of the doll that mimics McKinnon's on-screen look. Collectors can pre-order Weird Barbie now for $50, noting the made-to-order dolls will ship on or before May 31, 2024, according to Mattel.

"If anyone knows anything about keeping it weird, it's Weird Barbie," Mattel wrote on its site. "Our doll version wears an outfit inspired by one you'll see in the feature film, a bright pink dress with colorful artwork and puffy sleeves, and green snakeskin boots. She also features short tousled hair and markings on her face to emulate a doll that's been played with just a little too much."

But the weird Barbie being sold by Mattel just isn't weird enough.

Sure, she is "Made to Move," complete with limbs that twist every which way and features one of the worst haircuts you've ever seen, but that's ... it?

Where are her missing clumps of hair, showing the unrealistic rows of holes that line her scalp? Where are her ripped pants and mismatched top, picked from years of random outfits? Why isn't she tattooed from head to toe with remnants of childhood doodles? Where are her mud splatters and grass stains from playing outside?

The doll does a great job of memorializing McKinnon's Weird Barbie but does less in the way of actually capturing the Weird Barbie experience.

Put plainly by one Twitter user, "They should've just sold a regular Barbie with all the tools you might need to make her into weird barbie."

Weird Barbie is less an end result than she is a representation of childhood innocence and chaos, so giving her this polished-but-not-polished look robs us all of the formative experience of owning and loving our Weird Barbies, whose looks are ever-changing based on the naive whims of her current owner.

Which is why Mattel's Weird Barbie doesn't work. Weird Barbie, like each of us, is unique and circumstantial. She can never be pinned down as just one version of herself, no matter the look, because that doesn't exist.

The beautiful aspect of Weird Barbie — and the reason Gerwig's version of Weird Barbie captured the hearts of millions — is that each one is a representation of her owners and the lives they lived with that doll. She becomes a guide to the other Barbies in her own Barbieland, teaching the others how to navigate the realm they live in together.