- Warning: There are spoilers ahead for "
The Walking Dead " season 11 premiere. Khary Payton spoke with Insider about his personal ties to his character's story line.- If Ezekiel dies, Payton just asks that he go out with his head held high, he said.
While most of "The Walking Dead" survivors are trying to outlast the dead, starvation, and other formidable groups on the
After trying to hide it, Ezekiel shares in season 10 that he has thyroid cancer, something that ran in his family. He seeks out the Commonwealth with Eugene at the end of that season. Fans have been hopeful the group may be able to help with treatment.
In the season 11 premiere, during an interrogation, Ezekiel breaks out into a coughing fit while chewing out the Commonwealth's army leader, Mercer (Michael James Shaw).
For about 30 seconds, Ezekiel struggles to catch his breath until he's finally given a glass of water.
When Insider asked Payton, who has played the former zookeeper on the series since season seven, about filming that scene and what he drew on for his performance, he took a long pause before answering.
"I'm trying to figure out how to answer that question because it's really personal ... that kind of struggle," Payton said earlier in August. "My dad has fought cancer for seven, eight years now. I lean on that a lot.
"I also, honestly, I lean on the people who have come to me and talk to me about their struggles through this character. Yeah, it's personal."
Payton asked 2 of the series' showrunners years ago to make sure Ezekiel went out with his head held high if he didn't survive 'TWD'
Ezekiel has long outlived the death of his character in the comic books that the show is based on.
In issue No. 144 of Robert Kirkman's comic series, Ezekiel's head is placed on a pike by the Whisperers, along with that of a pregnant Rosita.
Now there's potential for Ezekiel to get an original death or survive the entire series. Payton said he was OK with any outcome to Ezekiel, with one caveat.
"I've told Angela and Scott - actually, years ago, I was like, 'I don't care if Ezekiel lives or dies. I'm preparing for either scenario,'" Payton said, referring to Angela Kang, the series' current showrunner, and Scott Gimple, a former "Walking Dead" showrunner.
"But I told them, 'Whatever you do, when you write him, don't have him die with his head hung. You know, have him die with his head up and looking out for some kind of light,'" he added.
Payton compared Ezekiel's struggle to some of his personal ones.
"I've suffered with depression in my life," Payton said. "Fortunately, I'm able to recognize it now in my life. I can almost visualize the clouds rolling into my world and covering the sky.
"I love that analogy because clouds don't stay in one place. If you can just remind yourself of that, you can weather any storm - that even above the clouds, there is blue sky. You just can't see."
"I give that kind of mentality to Ezekiel as well," Payton added. "No matter how long the coughing fit, there is a reminder that there's always some blue sky."
Payton says even if he never works again, he's proud of the bonds he's forged with people he's never met because of the show
When Payton looks back at his time on the show and the legacy he hopes Ezekiel leaves behind, he holds on to the relationships he's cultivated with people he has barely met, or never met at all, over the years while on the show, he said.
"It's the reason that I found purpose in what I do," Payton said of the show and playing Ezekiel. "I wanted to tell stories that could be recorded so that someone I've never met or never will meet will watch it and find kinship and strength and a kindred spirit, and be able to use that in their own life."
He added: "Ezekiel has given me that in spades."
The show is "something that I can always point to that makes me know that even if I never do anything else again, that this is why," he said, adding: "This is why I will do things again because the purpose is clear to me now."
Payton said: "The real purpose of all of this is that strength that we can give each other through storytelling, and I'm really grateful to have been a part of that."