'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' star Xander says it was 'degrading' to see her partner Vanessa say she'd be 'asexual' if not dating her

• Warning: Spoilers ahead for episodes 1-8 of "The Ultimatum: Queer Love."
• In episode 2, Vanessa Papa says that Xander Boger would not be able to find another partner.

"The Ultimatum: Queer Love" star Xander Boger says that she was "surprised" to hear her former partner Vanessa Papa confidently state that she would not find another partner on the show.

In the new dating series, a group of queer couples is brought together to decide whether they are ready to get engaged. They do this by participating in trial marriages with both their original partner and another contestant on the show.

In episode two, Papa tells another contestant, Lexi Goldberg, that she doesn't see herself getting married and doubts that Boger will find someone else on the show.

"Xander has been saying she might be asexual and that I'm the only one she could have feelings for," Papa says in the scene. "She would be asexual if not for me."

The scene led Papa's castmates to question her intentions on the show.

Watching it back, Boger tells Insider that the comment was "degrading."

"I was surprised at the vocabulary that she used in her. Like the way that she was so grounded in her statement," the physical therapist said. "I do understand that she came into this thinking, 'Oh, Xander's been committed and loyal to me for four years, why would she go on this show and just fall in love with someone in three weeks?' I don't think any of us knew the stakes that we were entering, in a way, so I was definitely surprised to hear that comment."

Boger continued: "I was also very appreciative that Lexi questioned her and wanted more information, because I think really that's what Vanessa needs a lot of times. I think that she needs to be questioned and asked further about her intentions and why she's saying certain things, because that's gonna be the thing that allows her to grow."

Papa was faced with what she'd previously thought was impossible when Boger developed a relationship with Yoly Rojas, her trial marriage partner, on the show.

Boger added: "To me, it feels a little degrading to think that your partner wouldn't end up with someone else. So that's the part where it didn't sit too well with me."

After the release of the show, fans have come to Boger's defense and criticized Papa's behavior.

Boger tells Insider that it was "hard" to rewatch the show because she now realizes that she was struggling with her mental health and self-confidence during filming. Looking back, she says she would have defended Papa less during confrontations with other castmates.

"When I'm watching it back, I'm like, 'What? Girl, what are you doing?'" Boger said. "That was my person and whoever it is, like my family, my friends, I'm gonna speak up for them if I feel like that they're being like bullied."

She added: "I understand the concern for the fans and everyone saying like, 'Why did you defend her?' Because if it was today, I would definitely keep my mouth shut a little bit more."

The finale of "The Ultimatum: Queer Love," airs on Netflix on June 7.