Omar Apollo knows his music makes you cry, and he wants to 'amplify the sadness'

• Omar Apollo recently spoke to Insider about his nomination for best new artist at the 2023 Grammys.
• He said the recognition feels especially poignant as a queer artist who grew up in a "conservative" family.

When Omar Apollo began making music, the goal wasn't chart success or a golden gramophone — it was "survival."

"In the beginning, I didn't even think about it," the singer-songwriter admitted during a recent interview with Insider. "I didn't even think I was a person who could win a Grammy. It was just kind of survival mode."

The son of Mexican immigrants, Apollo was born and raised in Indiana in a self-described "conservative" environment. In 2017, he borrowed the $30 registration fee from a friend to upload a song to Spotify.

His debut single, "Ugotme," was placed on the prominent Fresh Finds playlist and roused a small army of passionate, internet-savvy fans — many of whom are young, Latino, and queer like Apollo himself.

Apollo's identities course through the veins of his heartfelt debut album, "Ivory," released last April. "En El Olvido" is a gorgeous guitar ballad in the tradition of Mexican corridos; "Tamagotchi" is a bouncy, bilingual earworm produced by Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo of The Neptunes. Throughout the tracklist, Apollo uses male pronouns to address his muses.

A few months after the album's arrival, the cathartic 14th track "Evergreen" went viral as TikTokers reenacted Apollo's anguished delivery of the bridge: "You know you really made me hate myself / Had to stop before I break myself / Should've broke it off to date myself / You didn't deserve me at all."

The hit song soared onto the Billboard Hot 100 and introduced Apollo's unique brand of queer yearning to a broader audience. Now, he'll compete for best new artist at the 2023 Grammys on Sunday. Soon, he'll open for SZA on the North American leg of her "SOS" tour, playing iconic arenas like Madison Square Garden.

Apollo is poised to take the biggest stage of his career — both metaphorically and literally — but if he's nervous, it doesn't show.

"I already got my setlist together," he said. "It's immaculate."

We're a little over one week away from the Grammys. Do you know what you're wearing yet?

I do. I think I do have something.

You mentioned in another interview that you're bringing your parents to the ceremony. Are you coordinating outfits?

Yeah, actually I am. I'm bringing my brother too, my oldest brother. He never came to LA or came to visit me because he has a family and just got married. But he's coming. So I'm really excited to see him and my mom and dad.

My dad knows how to dress. He doesn't need much guidance. He's like 67 now. He's been on Earth long enough to know how to dress. My mom, she likes to do different things, but I really like her style.

Which was the bigger moment, getting a Grammy nomination or making it onto Obama's yearly playlist?

That was so funny. It's funny, my mom just saw that. She sent that to me. She's like, "Mijo, you're on Obama's playlist." And I was like, "You know what that is?"

I mean, it's the Grammy nomination. But Obama, I love Obama, man. That's insane. That's actually insane to think about, especially being in — I think it was middle school. No, I was in elementary school when he got elected. I remember that, which is insane. It's just crazy to see my name on there.

He has good taste.

I definitely think his daughters help him, for sure.

You've said before that you didn't think of music as a career, but it "snowballed" into one. While you were making "Ivory," was a Grammy Award ever on the vision board?

In the beginning, I didn't even think about it. I didn't even have the... I didn't even think I was a person who could win a Grammy. It was just kind of survival mode.

But as I got older for sure, and started touring, I definitely was like, "Man, that would be crazy to be nominated." And then I really went for it with this last album. So I definitely was hoping for sure, in the back of my head, like, 'That would be crazy if I got nominated.' And it happened and it was just insane. It was a crazy feeling.

As the legend goes, you made a whole album that got scrapped before you made the final version of "Ivory." Are those old songs locked in the vault, or do you ever see yourself revisiting them?

"As the legend goes?" That's actually hilarious. I love that. That is so funny. But no, absolutely not. That music was bad. It was bad.

Why do you say that?

I mean, it wasn't bad. I was just speaking in absolutes. But I just have no interest. I'm completely onto the next thing. I don't even think about those songs because I've made so many since then. And I've grown so much that it's just backpedaling at that point.

There's a lot of genre variation in this year's best new artist category. Aside from yourself, do you have anyone, in particular, you're rooting for?

Yeah, always the Latina girls. Anitta, for sure.

As a queer artist, do you feel more responsibility to celebrate recognition from industry gatekeepers that have historically been resistant to the LGBTQ community?

Yeah, I celebrate all the time. I think I definitely feel responsibility. [Pauses.] I want to take my time with this.

When I first started making music, there was definitely a fear of being who I am openly, and it's kind of just reality for me.

I grew up in a very conservative state, conservative family. So yeah, I do think it's important and it's a responsibility to just be who I am in these spaces that definitely weren't built for… that are historically harder for queer people to be in. I've been celebrating in the ways that I do and the ways that feel genuine, and the ways that feel right. For sure. And I always, always know how important it is, especially to the generation that we're in right now.

I feel like Gen Z is… they don't even think about sexuality. But when I was younger, it was a totally different story. Dealt with a lot of bigots and homophobic people. So there still is… there's still a lot. But I'm glad to be a part of that change for sure, to help. Or, not help, but I don't know.

To answer your question, I think I do feel responsibility. I don't think I'm a perfect human for it, but I definitely understand the influence when I'm at the shows and I want everyone to feel safe. I see all these kids in the front and I always make sure that everyone feels seen and heard and that this is a space for queer people and there's no judgment here.

It feels like Gen Z's ability to find music online, music that feels authentic to them, is such a big part of that shift. That's represented by several Grammy nominees this year being artists, like yourself, who had songs go viral on TikTok. How do you feel about the app's impact on music? Do you think it's a net positive or a net negative?

It's definitely net positive. Are you joking? My life totally changed with TikTok. I will forever be grateful. I think that good music definitely surpasses any way that it's being consumed.

People do make music for the platform. That's fine too. But I mean, there's always going to be people who make music because they love music.

I get it. The way that things are being promoted… it is what it is, man. People need to mind their business at the end of the day. It's funny because I remember when I was dropping sped-up versions of my songs and people were like, "Oh, no, you're dropping sped-up versions?" I'm like, "Yo, mind your business. Let me do what I need to do. Respectfully. With love."

I only ask because you see these videos of concerts like Steve Lacy's, where everybody's screaming this one snippet of one song and they might not know the rest of it. Did you ever have concerns about getting pigeonholed by one song?

I mean, there's people that know all the lyrics, for sure. [Pauses.] No, I don't think that's a problem at all. I think if you're selling out shows, people want to see you. You're doing amazing.

You've dueted people on TikTok having emotional moments while listening to "Evergreen" and recently "Petrified" as well. Do you enjoy making people cry?

You know what? [Laughs.] I enjoy knowing that you had an emotional reaction to my music, for sure. Yes. But making people cry? When somebody cries, I don't know why, but I always feel... if someone meets me and they cry or if they're crying at the show, that makes me… I'm the type of person that is very sensitive to energy. So when I see something like that, I get into it too. I start really empathizing and start feeling it.

Those emotions are real. These songs… I definitely was terribly sad and suffering and definitely cried, for sure. I remember I was singing "Petrified" and someone in the front was crying, literally hysterically. And I was just like, "Wow." And they were singing the lyrics at the same time. And it made me really emotional. One, I used the energy and sang it better, but I also felt it in a very deep way.

But in terms of making people cry, I mean, if that's what it's going to be, I'm down for it. All these songs are giving a very intimate, sensitive part of me that's very vulnerable. Especially in a world with machismo, where you're supposed to be a "man" or whatever — it's like, no. You guys all cry behind closed doors. Stop acting like you don't cry. It don't matter.

Do you think your next album will be just as sad?

I think we should amplify the sadness for sure.

Double down?

Double down on it. It seems to be working.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

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