Cara Delevingne said she used to be so 'disgusted' and 'ashamed' of her sexuality that she felt 'suicidal'

• Cara Delevingne said that her sexuality led to "suicidal" moments in her life.
• The actress, who identifies as pansexual, said she used to feel "disgusted" and "ashamed."
• Delevingne said that while she now accepts her sexuality, part of her still wishes she was straight.

Cara Delevingne said that she used to feel so "disgusted" and "ashamed" of her sexuality that it lead to her having depression and suicidal moments in her life.

Delevingne, who identifies as pansexual, was appearing on Gwyneth Paltrow's "The Goop Podcast" when she spoke about growing up in an "old fashioned household." It was this environment that made her unaware that being gay "was a thing."

"I think growing up I was quite - not noticeably or I wasn't knowledgeable of the fact that I was probably quite homophobic," Delevingne said.

The model and actress continued: "The idea of being same-sex anything, I was disgusted by that in myself, I was like, 'Oh my god. Oh, I could never! That's disgusting!'"

"So, learning and growing up and realizing that maybe I had a best friend when I was a kid who actually I liked more than they liked me, but not realizing that that's what that was."

Delevingne said that this thought process led to her feeling a lot of "shame" and "self-hatred" as she began to figure out she actually had attractions to people of the same sex.

"I do kind of correlate the kind of massive depression and the suicidal kind of moments of my life because I was so ashamed of ever being that, but actually that was the part of me that I love so much and I accept it," Delevingne said.

However, while Delevingne said she does now love and accept her sexuality, she cannot help but still feel that she would still like to be straight.

"There is still a part of me where I'm like, 'Oh I really I wish I could just be straight.' There is still that side to it," Delevingne said.

The "Carnival Row" actress said that these conflicting thoughts are "complicated."

Delevingne, 28, also said that she also has conflicting thoughts on her feminimity and that her career as a model, which she said made her feel like she had to "fit into the box that feminine," helped her to learn a lot about this.

"For me, I'm quite, I'm an androgynous person definitely but like I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all of that but I also love, just like being a bit of a rough and tumble," Delevingne said.

Delevingne is no longer a model, and told Paltrow that she quit the industry because she was unhappy and wasn't following her truth. She is now an actress, and has appeared in notable works including "Suicide Squad," "Paper Towns," and "Pan."

She will also be hosting a BBC documentary series called "Planet Sex," which will explore human sexuality in all its many different forms.

Delevingne, who was previously in a relationship with Ashley Benson, is currently dating 19-year-old model Kaia Gerber.