Camila Cabello opens up about her battle with OCD and 'relentless anxiety': 'It made me feel like my mind was playing a cruel trick on me'

• Camila Cabello spoke about her experience with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in an essay published in WSJ. Magazine on Thursday.
• The 23-year-old contrasted what fans saw on her social media page versus the "relentless anxiety" she faced daily.
• Cabello said she felt "embarrassed and ashamed" but was "desperate for relief" from her physical and emotional symptoms.
• "It made me feel like my mind was playing a cruel trick on me," she explained.
• Through cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, and breathwork, Cabello shared that she's "the healthiest and most connected" that she's ever been.

Camila Cabello delved into her experience with anxiety and OCD in an essay published in WSJ. Magazine on Thursday in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month.

The 23-year-old singer emphasized that the image fans saw on her social media page was much different than her reality. Because while she showed off the glitzy outfits and sessions creating music, Cabello admitted that she faced a "constant, unwavering, relentless anxiety that made day-to-day life painfully hard."

"I was embarrassed and ashamed. I didn't want the people who thought I was strong and capable and confident—the people who most believed in me—to find out that I felt weak," she said.

Cabello added, "The little voice in my head was telling me that if I was honest about my mental health struggle and my internal battles (i.e. being human), people would think there was something wrong with me, or that I wasn't strong, or that I couldn't handle things."

“love risks everything and asks for nothing”- Rumi, my poetry quote of the day how are your hearts?

A post shared by camila (@camila_cabello) on May 15, 2020 at 2:12pm PDTMay 15, 2020 at 2:12pm PDT

And although she resisted drawing attention to her mental health battle for a long time, the Grammy Award-nominated singer eventually realized she needed help.

"There was something hurting inside me, and I didn't have the skill to heal it or handle it," she said. "In order to heal it, I had to talk about it."

Cabello, who rose to fame as a member of Fifth Harmony before launching her solo career at the end of 2016, explained that her anxiety showed itself as OCD, leading to "obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors."

"To put it simply, it made me feel like my mind was playing a cruel trick on me," she said.

A post shared by camila (@camila_cabello)Jul 24, 2019 at 7:40pm PDT

The musician added that the condition affected her physically as well — causing a knot in her throat, inability to sleep, and a chronic headache. When she noticed that her relationships with those around her, particularly with her mother and sister, had suffered, she decided it was time to get help.

Thanks to methods like cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, and breathwork, Cabello said she's "no longer in that internal war."

"I feel the healthiest and most connected to myself I've ever been, and nowadays I rarely suffer from OCD symptoms," she said, explaining that she views anxiety differently when it does manifest itself.

meditation has changed my life in the last few months. I didn’t share this with you guys at the time because honestly I was just trying to be okay, but I was experiencing severe anxiety. it was meditation- it was practicing every single day multiple times a day that has been healing me, and, more than just helping me manage strong emotions like anxiety and stress, it’s making me a better human. not only does it help in times like this with stress and anxiety, meditation is the practice of strengthening habits like empathy, love, and compassion- making you feel more connected to not only everybody around you , but living beings in general like animals, plants, and the earth, which is a living being, itself. In times like these, especially as young people, even if we are healthy, it’s important to practice compassion and help others that could be suffering. We are in this together, let’s not be indifferent to others risk. it’s our responsibility to do whatever it takes to keep everyone safe. Empathy to others’ reality and solidarity could make the difference in hard moments like this. We can’t think that we will be unaffected because we feel young and healthy. we have parents, grandparents, friends, and neighbors, and we don’t want to be a part of the problem when we could be part of the solution. So I’d like you to take 10 minutes of your day today to either look up loving kindness meditation on Calm or YouTube. Or just follow these instructions: close your eyes and sit with your spine upright and feel gravity grounding your body to the earth’s surface and supporting you. Take three deep breaths and then begin to just notice the natural flow of your breath. Being aware of breathing in, breathing out. Following every inhale and exhale with your attention. Once your mind has stilled. Picture every human in the world right now, elders, people that have respiratory problems and are vulnerable, picture the people that are vulnerable, picture their families, and say “May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be free from illness. May you be well.” Repeat until you really feel it in your heart ❤️- love you guys, please stay safe !

A post shared by camila (@camila_cabello) on Mar 16, 2020 at 1:24pm PDTMar 16, 2020 at 1:24pm PDT

"For a long time, anxiety felt like it was robbing me of my humor, my joy, my creativity and my trust. But now anxiety and I are good friends. I listen to her, because I know she's just trying to keep me safe, but I don't give her too much attention. And I sure as hell don't let her make any decisions," she said.

hello!!!! usually when I take these breaks from social media, it’s cause I need some space or time away from it - I think it’s healthy to know when you need time for yourself- that’s been my biggest thing I’ve worked on this year so far is to listen to my intuition and what my mind and body need!!!! When I feel overwhelmed or overstimulated I’m like.... ok I need to give myself a little room to slow down. but I miss and love you guys!!!! I’m in London right now working on Cinderella and I’m having the time of my life TBH here’s a picture behind the scenes of a music video that’s coming out very very soon... how are you guys doing?! How’s life!! How are your hearts! I’ll read some of the comments and reply

A post shared by camila (@camila_cabello) on Feb 4, 2020 at 3:13am PSTFeb 4, 2020 at 3:13am PST

Cabello has spoken about her mental health over the years and described her anxiety prior to getting help during a 2016 interview with Billboard.

"I was having terrible anxiety, nonstop. My heart would beat really fast the whole day. Two hours after I woke up, I'd need a nap because my body was so hyperactive. It was so eff — sorry, but it was so f---ed up. I was scared of what would happen to me, of the things my brain might tell me," she said.

Four months after the interview, she left a Fifth Harmony concert early as a result of her anxiety. After apologizing for leaving, she tweeted, "just wanna sleep for 3 days."

—camila (@Camila_Cabello) September 3, 2016

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