- Billie Eilish accepted an award on Thursday for her "Barbie" song "What Was I Made For?"
- In her speech, Eilish opened up about the "dark episode" she was in before seeing the movie.
At Thursday's Palm Springs Film Awards, Billie Eilish accepted the Chairman's Award for "What Was I Made For?" — her celebrated contribution to the "Barbie" soundtrack.
Eilish cowrote the song with her brother, Finneas O'Connell, after they watched an early film screening. Director Greta Gerwig had asked the duo to create "Barbie's heart song" to play during a pivotal emotional scene.
"I would really like to say that this award and any recognition that this song gets, I just want to dedicate to anyone who experiences hopelessness, the feeling of existential dread and feeling like, 'What's the point? Why am I here? And why am I doing this?'" Eilish said.
The Grammy winner said she understands her privilege and how lucky she is to be in her position, but she still questions her place in the world.
"Sorry to be dark, damn, but I've spent a lot of time feeling that way," she said. "I just want to say to anyone that feels that way: Be patient with yourself and know that it is, I think, worth it all."
Eilish opened up about the "dark episode" she was experiencing before getting involved with the "Barbie" movie, which helped her feel less alone.
"I was just watching Barbie say and feel things that I really, really, really resonated with and felt so close to," she said. "I felt so seen, and I did not expect that. I think that this movie is the most incredible, most empowering and beautiful and funny and just unbelievable piece of art in the world, and I'm so honored to be a part of it."
While accepting Chairman’s Award during Palm Springs Film Awards,
— Chris Gardner (@chrissgardner) January 5, 2024
Billie Eilish opens up on “dark episode” and feeling like she didn’t want to be here anymore prior to writing hit Barbie song. #PSIFF2024 pic.twitter.com/DnvZy0bJ1l
Eilish has spoken at length about her connection to the song, which reflects Barbie's journey to understand humanity, come to terms with failure, and embrace the full spectrum of emotions.
"I used to float, now I just fall down / I used to know, but I'm not sure now / What I was made for," Eilish sings in the first verse.
Though she initially wrote the song from the doll's perspective, Eilish later realized how closely the lyrics aligned with her life.
"The next week, I was playing it in the car all day and playing it for everybody, and I was like, 'This is exactly how I feel.' And I didn't even mean to be saying it," Eilish told Zane Lowe. "It's about my life."
Eilish has also credited "What Was I Made For?" with pulling her out of a creative slump.
"I honestly was concerned that it was over for me," Eilish revealed during a Hollywood Reporter songwriter roundtable. "We'd been trying and it wasn't doing what it usually would do in me. I was honestly like, 'Damn, maybe I hit my peak and I don't know how to write anymore?'"
"Greta saved me, really, honestly," she added. "It brought us out of it and immediately we were inspired and wrote so much more after that."
The 21-year-old singer is currently working on her third album, the follow-up to 2021's "Happier Than Ever."