Bachelorette Becca Kufrin: I've always felt loved, but I wish I hadn't pressured myself to get married and have children young.
- Becca Kufrin starred on "The Bachelorette" in 2018.
- She's been engaged to three men she met through the franchise.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Becca Kufrin. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My love life hasn't been simple. I was the winner of "The Bachelor" in 2018 and said yes when Arie Luyendyk Jr. asked me to marry him. After he broke my heart on screen, I became "The Bachelorette" later that year and got engaged to Garrett Yrigoyen. When we broke up two years later, I appeared on "Bachelor In Paradise." That's where I met my current husband, Thomas Jacobs, who I proposed to.
Despite the turmoil, I've always felt loved. I was very lucky growing up with a loving, supportive family. I've always had an abundance of love and kindness shown to me.
Luckily, when I met Thomas, I recognized that he was raised the same way. He showers love on me, which makes it easy to show that same love, support, patience, and kindness to our 9-month-old son, Benson.
I don't plan to talk with Benson about the shows
I probably won't talk to Benson about my time on the shows, really. Not that he'll probably care as he gets older — I'm assuming he'll find it more embarrassing than anything.
Instead, I want to teach him about relationships by example. Kids learn what they see, so I'm mindful of setting a good example. Benson will see that Thomas and I show each other respect, kindness, patience, and grace. In time, he's going to learn from that. Hopefully, he'll develop kindness and love for our family and the whole world.
I ditched my timeline and discovered myself
I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to ditch the timeline. It's easy to have goals for when you want to be married, have kids, buy a house, and all those things. But really, how that unfolds looks different for everybody. Go easy on yourself, go along for the ride, and let go of the pressure to check boxes.
When I was in my 20s, growing up in small-town Minnesota, I was so focused on finding a partner and settling down. I wanted to check all the boxes of what a traditional life should look like.
Instead, I found myself traveling and getting outside my comfort zone. I experienced so many different things. Because of that, I could focus more on myself, finding what I really wanted and what was going to fill me up, like travel. By the time I had a baby and married at 33, I felt like I knew myself.
I've had to learn how to embrace a little bit of mess
Becoming a mom was a lot harder than I expected. Everyone tells you that, but no one can prepare you for it. Just trying to keep a human alive was intense. I was so used to working from home and having autonomy, so bringing this little other human was a lot. So was navigating my body healing after birth and trying to breastfeed.
Before I had Benson I was so organized and tidy. I've had to let go of that a bit. I'm not sure how one child manages to produce so much mess. I'm constantly wiping down Benson's hands, face, and everything around him. I'm hoping maybe it will rub off on him, and he'll become a neat freak like Mom.
The last five years have been a whirlwind, but I'm excited for the next five. I want to bring Thomas and Benson to meet my family in Croatia. We were married in a courthouse ceremony, so I'm excited to have a bigger wedding celebration with family and friends. I want to have another baby, a sibling for Benson. I love adventure and can't wait to see what comes next.