All the relationships in 'Love Actually,' ranked by a therapist

• Insider asked a couples therapist to critique and review the relationships in "Love Actually."
• They said Harry and Karen could potentially come away from Harry's infidelity stronger than before.

"Love Actually" (2003) still reigns as one of the most beloved holiday movies.

Marked by its cheeky British humor, the rom-com intertwined different storylines of people stumbling in and out of love and finding emotional connections in unlikely places.

But rewatching the film today, it's easier to how many of the relationships are a little problematic.

Insider asked Oriana Nelsen, clinical sexologist and founder of San Francisco Intimacy and Sex Therapy Centers, which couples (if any) would've made it work in the real world — and what others could've done better.

Billy Mack and Joe had one of the most touching relationships

Billy Mack (Bill Nighy) — a washed-up rock star who skyrocketed back to fame with his comeback Christmas hit — left Elton John's party on New Year's Eve to spend time with his manager, Joe (Gregor Fisher).

Although Mack appeared eager to leave Joe behind earlier in the film, he told his manager he realized Christmas was a day to spend with your loved ones. They ended up spending the night getting drunk and watching porn.

Nelsen thought their relationship may have been the strongest

"Many people have platonic bonds that are just as important as romantic attachments," Nelsen told Insider. "They are each other's chosen family."

One of the most disputed relationships might actually have been quite promising

Aurelia (Lúcia Moniz) and Jamie (Colin Firth) seemed like they'd struggle to strike up a friendship, let alone a relationship, because they didn't even speak the same language.

Additionally, the fact that Jamie's long-term girlfriend recently cheated on him with his brother hinted that it might be a while before he's ready for love again.

Language was definitely a barrier, but connections can also grow through nonverbal avenues

Aurelia and Jamie appeared to mirror each other's emotions and reactions (like when they both said their daily car ride was their favorite time of the day) without even fully knowing what the other person was saying.

"There is a huge percentage of our communication that relies on attachment signals and how we regulate each other emotionally," Nelsen said.

More importantly, they told Insider that it "speaks volumes" that both individuals decided to independently learn the other's language, a symbol that they were committed to seeing where things would go.

"Because they move so quickly, it's hard to know if this will outlast the infatuation stage, but they are on the right track," the therapist added.

The timeline of the relationship might have appeared unconventional, but Nelsen said it wasn't so unusual when you look beyond the Western courtship narrative.

"In many cultures, people start with marriage, then get to know one another," they told Insider. "If they continue putting the work into it, they could build a lasting and loving relationship."

Harry, Karen, and Mia's love triangle was one of the saddest dynamics in the movie

Karen (Emma Thompson) served up one of the most heartbreaking lines in the movie when she told Harry (Alan Rickman), "You've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish, too," after discovering he'd bought a gold necklace for his secretary, Mia (Heike Makatsch).

Emma Freud, a script editor for the film, confirmed on Twitter in 2015 that Harry did have an affair with Mia — it wasn't just a harmless crush. But in the end, Harry and Karen stayed together.

Their marriage might have a fighting chance if they consider therapy

When asked if the married couple could make things work after the betrayal of trust, Nelsen said situations like these can actually be a common dilemma for real-life couples.

"Long-term partners start to feel the impact of unrepaired ruptures, a lack of communication, and not responding to each other's bids for connection," they said.

Nelsen continued, "Rather than have the conversation to repair things with each other, it feels easier to project a fantasy on someone outside of the relationship who gives them attention."

The therapist said it was likely that Harry straying from his marriage was less about his connection to Mia and more about his relationship with his wife, thus making it possible for them to work through it.

"Sometimes it's less about the third person, and more about the underlying issues around communication and intimacy that need to be tended to," they told Insider.

Nelsen added, "If they can get professional help and are willing to do the work, they can have potentially an even stronger bond than before."

David and Natalie's relationship seemed promising

Although Prime Minister David (Hugh Grant) and Natalie (Martine McCutcheon) faced some boundary issues while adjusting from their professional relationship to a romantic one, they were eventually able to express their feelings for one another.

Nelsen thought they were genuinely interested in each other

Following an iconic kiss during the finale of the school nativity play and a passionate embrace at the airport at the end of the movie, it looked like David and Natalie were going strong.

"While there is a power dynamic in terms of their professional roles, they seem to have a genuine interest in each other," Nelsen said. "If they do the foundational work in attachment, they could have a successful relationship."

Similarly, John and Judy got off to a good start

John and Judy, two film stand-ins who met while filming a sex scene, seemed to be constantly conversing from the moment they met.

They didn't let what could've been an awkward situation throw them off, which showed that they were already pretty comfortable together.

Nelsen said that their connection seemed genuine

The therapist thought John and Judy's "sincere connection" could easily develop into a partnership.

"There is a nice back and forth, and they seem engaged in getting to know one another," they said.

The cute love story between Sam and Joanna was a fan-favorite

Considering Sam spent most of the movie thinking Joanna didn't even know his name until he ran to say goodbye to her at the airport, they didn't have time to establish a strong bond.

He also appeared to put her on a pedestal, referring to her as "perfect" numerous times.

It might just be puppy love, but that doesn't mean it could never work

Sam's love for Joanna was a perfectly relatable example of a first crush.

"It would be extremely unusual to have the cognitive and emotional development to create a lasting relationship at 11 years old," Nelsen told Insider. "That said, they could have an age-appropriate relationship that could work."

Sarah and Karl's connection appeared to be doomed for reasons out of their control

It took Sarah years to work up the courage to admit her feelings to her coworker, but she pulled back after they finally hooked up.

She seemed to think she wouldn't be able to balance being a primary caregiver to her brother alongside a budding relationship.

Sarah's inability to be open with Karl stood in the way of a strong relationship

In real life, Nelsen said they could build on their connection if Sarah was able to be direct and open with Karl about the challenges she was navigating being a primary caregiver while also trying to prioritize their relationship.

Unfortunately, Sarah isn't able to figure it out over the course of the film, and their relationship fizzles out.

"This is a heartbreaking situation," they told Insider. "They have authentic feelings for each other, but because of trauma bonding and attachment issues related to her brother, Sarah is not able to get close to Karl."

Colin's relationship with the American girls doesn't seem as mature as some of the other pairings

Colin specifically goes to Wisconsin to have sex, which isn't exactly the foundation for a strong relationship.

He meets three women — Jeannie, the "American Angel" (January Jones), Carol-Anne, the "American Goddess" (Elisha Cuthbert), and Stacey, the "American Dreamgirl" (Ivana Miličević) — at a dive bar, and goes home with them to meet Harriet, the "sexy one" (Shannon Elizabeth).

At the end of the movie, Colin returns to England with Harriet, and she brings Carla, the "real friendly one" (Denise Richards), home for his friend Tony.

The emphasis on sex doesn't bode well for a lasting partnership, but it's not out of the question

"This is more about sex than love," Nelsen said.

But the relationship could get more serious over time, the therapist added, "Some relationships have bloomed from what began as lust and sex."

Viewers don't see much of the pairs, so it's unclear if they really connected or not.

Most longtime fans don't even support the love triangle between Mark, Peter, and Juliet

Mark (Andrew Lincoln) is in love with Juliet (Keira Knightley), even though she just married his close friend, Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor). Unsurprisingly, the love triangle doesn't get off to a great start.

At the beginning of the movie, Mark is pretty rude to Juliet instead of just telling her how he felt about her.

When he was finally ready to talk, Mark violated boundaries by showing up at Juliet and Peter's house, secretly directing her outside, and presenting a silent poster-board slideshow that professed his love for her.

Juliet then chased him down the street and kissed him — after which Mark announced he was finally ready to move on.

Nelsen found the whole situation to be largely unhealthy

According to Nelsen, Mark's actions indicated he wasn't actually in love with Juliet.

"Mark is infatuated, in a one-way fantasy," they said. "He crosses boundaries and acts inappropriately."

Juliet also betrayed her established partnership by kissing Mark and not telling Peter about any of it.

"The kissing and betrayal are indicative of unresolved issues in their marriage that need to be tended to if they are going to have a successful relationship," Nelsen told Insider.

'Love Actually' is a clichéd rom-com in many ways, but some of the relationships would have a shot in real life

Many of the pairings in "Love Actually" weren't ones you typically see in holiday movies, but Nelsen said they could see many of the unconventional relationships working.

"We all are drawn to people largely based on projection and the attachment needs we carry with us," they told Insider.

The therapist added that a secure, functioning relationship is reliant on finding a way to work together.

"The majority of the couples in this movie, with the right tools and intentions, could absolutely have successful and lasting relationships," they said.

This story was originally published on December 18, 2020, and most recently updated on December 12, 2023.

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