- Jocko Willink is a former Navy SEAL commander turned best-selling author, podcast host, and leadership consultant. His new book is "Leadership Strategy and Tactics."
- He told us a story about butting heads with an arrogant CEO. Willink fixed the issue when he told the CEO why he admired him, and the CEO reciprocated the compliment. The problem was a clash of big egos.
- Willink said "subordinate your ego" is a key leadership tactic because it requires more confidence than ego-driven acts of dominance, and it results in better long-term relationships.
- This article is part of our series C-Suite Insider, where we collect the best management lessons from executives and their coaches.
- Visit BI Prime for more stories.
Since retiring from the US Navy SEALs in 2010, Jocko Willink has built a successful business applying what he learned as a military commander to the business world. One of his foundational lessons is that great leadership is about treating team members with respect and keeping communication open, and that barking demands and giving ultimatums is the result of a toxic ego.
But despite learning the nuances of this over his 20 years in the SEALs, Willink appreciated it in a new light as a coach, when he butted heads with a CEO. In a recent interview with Business Insider about his new book, "Leadership Strategy and Tactics," Willink explained that the most effective, confident, and respected leaders are able to subordinate their egos.
He told us the story made a lesson from the SEAL teams resonate in a new way.
'He's got a look on his face like we're going to fight'
Willink built his leadership consulting firm Echelon Front with one of the platoon commanders who served under him in SEAL Team 3 Task Unit Bruiser, Leif Babin. The two of them have worked together on hundreds of consulting projects.
For one of those projects around six years ago, a rapidly growing startup hired Willink and Babin to develop a plan for training its junior managers. The initial meeting entailed chats with the leadership team. For the most part, everyone was cordial and responsive. But when Willink met the CEO, the former SEAL said that the company chief had an attitude that suggested the whole exercise was silly, and was unmistakably rude throughout the day. "And I'm thinking, what's wrong with this guy?" Willink told us.
He sensed the CEO had a big ego, but gave him the benefit of the doubt and chalked it up to his having a bad day. When they met again a couple weeks later, however, Willink said the CEO still had an air of superiority. In a group meeting, he was glued to his phone and even walked out for a few minutes.
"I take pride in the fact that I can work with everybody," Willink said, and so the CEO's behavior was frustrating. But then he calmed down and realized something. In one of the session's breaks, Willink took the CEO aside in the hallway, away from the rest of the team.
"He's got a look on his face like we're going to fight, like that's where it's at!" Willink said. However, Willink didn't ask him what his problem was. Instead, he told the CEO that he was very impressed with what the company head had accomplished leading the business, and that he greatly respected the CEO's career and talents.
It wasn't a lie. Willink learned that the CEO had degrees from elite universities, was a college athlete still in excellent shape, and was running a $100 million company at just age 32. Willink had realized that he had let his ego feel vulnerable with a successful guy 10 years younger than himself, and instead of doubling down on that vulnerability, he was going to be transparent with why he respected him.
"His posture changed in a second," Willink said. The CEO who had been arrogant for days replied by saying, "No, I'm not the one that deserves respect, it's you." Willink ended his SEAL career as the commander of the most highly decorated American special operations team that served in the Iraq War, and the whole reason the CEO's company hired Echelon Front in the first place is because he admired that. He had been compensating for the vulnerability he felt when comparing that to his achievements in an academic or business setting.
"Then he let down his guard and I let down my guard, and all of a sudden we were best friends," Willink said.
A dominant ego is not the same as confidence
One of Willink's leadership tactics is "subordinate your ego."
"Now people think, 'Oh, if I subordinate my ego, I'm being weak and I'll get walked all over.' It's actually not true," he said. When leaders are dealing with strong egos, they should detach from their own and demonstrate respect.
Explaining his interaction with the CEO, Willink explained, "When I subordinate my ego to you and I say, 'Hey, you're doing a great job. I really respect your leadership,' I have to have so much confidence to say that. You either subconsciously or consciously realize that I'm just confident myself and your respect level for me goes up and now we can actually work together. Whereas if I just hold my ego and attack, your ego will bang heads all day and it's going to be a disaster."
The same approach applies in situations where a team member has failed to perform well, Willink explained through a separate story. Regardless of how big your team member's ego is, they will become defensive and resentful if you let your ego take over and attack them for their failure, without recognizing your lapse in leadership so that constructive next steps can be taken.
As Willink wrote in his book, "If you find you cannot put your ego in check because you are afraid it might make you look weak, then guess what? You are weak. Don't be weak."