Why looking for a job can feel like looking for a date

• Searching for a job or romance can often feel oddly similar, several people told Business Insider.
• It seems easy to apply for a job or show interest in someone. But the next step can be harder.

If only you could find the one.

Maybe it's a romantic partner. Maybe it's a job you love. Maybe looking for either feels kind of… the same.

Whether it's clicking the "Easy Apply" button on LinkedIn or swiping right on Bumble or Tinder, the simplicity means that many employers and relationship-seekers can feel awash in choice. And that's where the trouble often starts.

"You can build a fantasy of what that role looks like. You can build a fantasy of what your life what that person looks like," Grant Waldvogel, a self-described zillennial, told Business Insider about the parallels between a job search and courtship. Reality, however, often rears its ugly head.

It's so easy to show interest that, in return, either process can be filled with rejections and more than a little ghosting. Take jobs: In some parts of the economy, like tech, where many big names are shedding workers, just trying to get the attention of employers can be a miserable experience. Job seekers often churn out what can feel like endless applications, going for gigs that might not even exist.

The same can be true for someone after that elusive partner. It's easy to keep swiping yet generate few meaningful connections. That can result in dating app burnout.

In either case, the search can make us feel lousy.

"Whether I'm swiping on a job or whether I'm swiping on a dating app, they're similar experiences because you're thinking, 'Am I good enough for this thing?'" a millennial who asked not to be identified to protect her privacy told BI. "Really, you need to be thinking, 'Are these things or people or profiles good enough for me?' But that's not how our mindset is."

Others also see parallels. "For me the processes are exactly the same. You can apply all day to everything you see, but the only job you're actually going to get is the one that specifically contacted you first and sought you out and wants you," one Reddit user wrote before adding, "It's been similar in my experience with women."

In an early February poll involving some 2,600 people in the US on Glassdoor, users were essentially split on whether dating was more exhausting than interviewing for a job. There was a more notable gender divide, with 56% of women saying dating was more tiring than going on job interviews. Only 43% of men shared that stance.

But why would Glassdoor ask users about dating? Because the platform has communities set up around various topics, including one on relationships. It's not alone — mixing professional chatter with pickup lines is now a thing. LinkedIn is, somehow, a dating site.

The convergence might not be a total surprise given there are possibly similar strategies involved in both hunting for a job and a potential mate. At the very least, there's a desire to feel sought-after, Waldvogel said.

In interviews, "You want them to give you an offer even if you don't want to work there," he said. "You want to be seen, and you want to be liked. And it's no different in dating. You want to be the person that turns someone down."

One Gen Zer, who asked to remain anonymous because he was in the process of looking for a job and a relationship, told BI that his experience on dating apps is that many people aren't serious about making a connection. More than once, he's gone back and forth with someone long before meeting up for a date. He said there's often too much vetting from would-be mates or employers.

"I think there is this idea that there's like a perfect candidate, whether that be dating or work," he said.

Interviews that go round after round remind him of the "talking stage" phrase that gets tossed around on dating apps, he said.

"People would talk to someone on a dating app for, like, weeks before they go on a date with them," he said. "I think it's harder to get to know someone over a phone than it would be in person. And I think with job interviews, how much can you really gauge from a résumé or a cover letter?"

Another parallel he sees: Fake job listings that feel like the dating equivalent of catfishing.

But for others, the searches aren't quite so similar. "I've found getting a job easier than getting a date," one Reddit user posted. "I keep getting spammed on LinkedIn with job offers from recruiters despite setting my status to not looking for a job. Dating women? I have a 100% rejection rate."