- "Work spouses" aren't unusual, but many are debating the necessity of having one.
- The need for a close, supportive colleague spans industries, whether corporate or otherwise.
There's been a lot of chatter recently about work spouses, particularly whether they're necessary and appropriate.
My vote: necessary and appropriate.
A survey of 1,500 adults by Newsweek found the majority of millennials disapprove of the idea. (Gen Z and Gen X were mostly fine with it.)
Insider asked on LinkedIn whether it's appropriate to have a non-romantic work wife or husband, and our poll drew some impassioned responses. The post attracted 17,212 votes; 61% voted no, and 39% said yes.
Some are arguing that the term "work spouse" is "an exclusionary idea," that is "heteronormative," writes Insider's Beatrice Nolan. Others support using terms like "work brother" or "work sibling" instead.
The funny thing is that few people seem to be arguing about the necessity of having a close, supportive relationship with people we spend 40 hours a week — or more — with. These relationships are typically platonic and can be there for brainstorming, venting, coffee breaks, lunches, happy hours — or in the remote/hybrid world — daily or weekly Zooms to check in and say hi.
While one boss posted a memo ordering staff not to make friends with colleagues during work hours — "This is your job. Do not dediciate work time to discussion of non-work topics. Do not facilitate friendships during work hours" — we all know that's unrealistic.
"It is not unusual for close relationships to form in the workplace. Depending on the environment as well as the duties and functions of the particular position, the job may require enough collaboration that would naturally develop into a close relationship," New York employment attorney Jon Bell from Bell Law Group told Newsweek.
My partner of three years works in hospitality at a local pub in town, and he also has a work spouse. The way he described it was, "I see her more than I see you. That's just how it is. She has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend, but when we're in the trenches, we're each other's go-to."
Thinking back over my 21-year career (I was born in 1981 and therefore am an older millennial), I've had work best friends, work husbands, work wives — many of whom I've remained close with throughout the years.
In my early twenties, because we all worked the late shift, we'd go out after we finished work — usually around midnight on Thursdays. These "work best friends" met my other friends and we went apple picking, had a Friendsgiving, and even celebrated New Year's Eve together.
When I transferred to a new office and worked normal-ish hours, there were actual happy hours, weekends filled with watching football, 30th birthdays in Atlantic City, weddings, and baby showers. My best friend of nine years is someone I met through my old job. We didn't work in the same department, though we randomly connected, and the rest is, well, you know.In the remote world (and with a new job at a new company), forging work relationships that could be called "work spouses" has been harder, but doable. I'd say I have at least two work spouses — people I slack or video chat (or call on the phone!) a few times a week, if not every day. They're my saving grace when I get stressed, when I have a weird idea I don't know what to do with, or when I need to yell during my lunch walk.
I don't necessarily call them my work spouses, but they know they are, and I know they are. Of course, we have boundaries! Some things, no matter the topic, are off limits because we're in different departments, and we're different levels of management. And we respect that.
But even though there are limits to our relationships, my work spouses have given me so much in life, both inside and out of work.