Tone policing is a little-known microaggression that's common in the workplace — here's how to identify it

• Dr. Janice Gassam Asare is an author and founder of BWG Business Solutions, LLC, a consultancy that helps organizations be more inclusive and sparks important dialogue about workplace equity.
• Asare explains that tone policing in the workplace is a racial microaggression most often experienced by Black women being told to "calm down" or say things in "a nicer tone."
• Business leaders and employers have a key role to play in putting a stop to harmful stereotypes that allow for tone policing to exist, Asare says.
• Include an explanation of tone policing in diversity trainings, call it out when it happens, and create a work culture where the expression of anger and other emotions is normalized.

The angry black woman trope is a harmful stereotype that allows racism against Black women to continue. Based on this stereotype, Black women are often painted as aggressive, hostile, and threatening. Black women who share their experiences of racial microaggressions and being labeled as "the angry black woman" are often met with advice that their message would be better received, if only they said it in a "nicer tone."

This is a phenomenon known as tone policing, and it can be extremely problematic for anti-racism efforts.

Tone policing is defined as "a conversational tactic that dismisses the ideas being communicated when they are perceived to be delivered in an angry, frustrated, sad, fearful, or otherwise emotionally charged manner." Managers striving to create a workplace based on equity and inclusion must understand how tone policing silences members of marginalized groups and allows discrimination to persist.

I am no stranger to tone policing — I have countless experiences of being tone policed.

I've experienced tone policing in every domain of my life, but instances of tone policing are increasingly apparent online. I've received numerous DMs on social media from very well-meaning people sharing with me why a post I wrote or shared was offensive.

The general consensus with these messages is that if I had only conveyed the message in a different way, I would have done a more effective job at "getting my message across."

The underlying tone in many of these well-meaning messages is that, even in speaking about my experiences with racism, microaggressions, and discrimination, there is a right way and a wrong way to share. I am told that if I modify my message to be more palatable to the masses, my message will be better received. This demonstrates that people will dismiss your experiences unless it fits in the box of how they want to receive it.

Tone policing is used as a tool to silence women — particularly Black women — who express any sort of emotion or passion.

Tone policing undermines anti-racism efforts because it can cast doubt on the validity of statements of oppression, racism, and discrimination shared by people of color. It also implies that a message holds no value if is accompanied by emotion.

There are a few steps that can be taken to avoid tone policing.

1. Recognition is vital.

Many are unaware of tone policing, what it is, and how it can manifest in the workplace. Awareness of this issue is critical. Diversity training should include discussions about tone policing and microaggressions in order to increase awareness about this issue. Management should understand what tone policing is and understand what some indicators of tone policing are — such as telling a person to calm down or rephrasing their message for greater palatability.

2. Don't invalidate emotions.

Refrain from misconstruing a person's emotions as invalid. Regardless of whether you agree with someone or not, their feelings and their opinions are valid. Instead of questioning the other person's stance because it is accompanied by emotion, re-evaluate why you feel the need to denigrate their feelings. Think about whether you are using the tactic of tone policing to divert from your uncomfortability.

Those in positions of power may find themselves tone policing when their privilege is made apparent. Understand that when you're talking about subjects that are highly charged, there will often be emotions that accompany it.

3. Normalize the expression of anger and other emotions.

When protests erupted following the killing of George Floyd, there was a continued narrative that the protesters could get their message across if only they were protesting in "the right way." But in 2017, Colin Kaepernick was blackballed from the NFL for peacefully protesting police brutality against people of color.

His form of protest was simply taking a knee during the national anthem — and it caused a lot of backlash, disdain, and criticism. Kaepernick's taking of the knee was arguably the most peaceful form of protest in recent history; yet he was criticized for it.

Understandably, there are many people who are tired of what seems to be the constant and unjust killing of Black and brown people. With this fatigue, feelings of anger, sadness, and frustration are likely to emerge as a natural human reaction.

Emotions are normal and, as a society, we need to accept and normalize that people feel and express these emotions in different ways. If you were a member of a community that seemed to be the constant target of inequitable and unjust treatment, how would you feel? How would you react if you were told that your message would be better received if only you would "calm down" or "say it in a nicer way?"

To engage in honest dialogue about experiences with discrimination, bias and racism, we must stop tone policing. Organizational leaders can help employees manage their emotions, especially during times of unrest and tragedy, by facilitating conversations around current events.

Part of the problem is that leadership is often reluctant to have what is perceived as political or highly charged conversations in the workplace — but these subjects are inextricably linked to our everyday lives. In addition, manager check-ins can be a powerful way to provide support during times of crisis and distress. These check-ins, whether in the form of texts, emails, or phone calls, can show employees that company leadership is working to help put an end to tone policing.