My 3 years at Tesla were the best and worst of my life

• Amanda Manley was excited to get a job at Tesla in 2017 and loved the ambitious energy of her team.
• She worked long hours and sacrificed time with her family, which eventually took a toll.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Amanda Manley, a 34-year-old ex-Tesla employee and current project manager based in Indianapolis.

I was hired at Tesla in 2017 as a Department of Motor Vehicle operations specialist to help build Tesla's Indiana DMV operations from the ground up. I was excited to work for a company with so much momentum behind it.

Every day I went into the office and worked alongside people who believed anything was possible. The high I got from that environment was unbelievable, and I became a true believer in Tesla.

It didn't hit me that I had completely sacrificed my family life for Tesla until my second child, a son, was born in late 2020. Looking back, I can confidently say working at Tesla was the best and worst three and a half years of my life.

I got to live the fast life, but I don't think I could ever go back.

I didn't even know what Tesla was when I applied in 2017

When I applied for the DMV operations specialist job at Tesla, they were looking for a candidate with title and registration experience who had worked at the state of Indiana's Bureau of Motor Vehicles. I'd been working for the state for five years, four of which were at the BMV, so I threw my hat in the ring and got the job.

Tesla was still scaling at the time; the Tesla Model 3 hadn't even come out yet. My loved ones were confused as to why I was going from such a regulated company to one that could go under in an instant. We had no idea who Elon Musk was or what Tesla would end up becoming.

My starting salary was $19 per hour, and I received 19 shares of Tesla stock. I was offered additional stock alongside annual raises and during particularly exceptional quarters, but I was naive to how stocks work. I feel like I was compensated fairly during my time there, though I advise people to ask for as many shares as possible when starting at a company.

I worked 12 to 16-hour days and was excited

As part of Tesla's onboarding process, I was given a 10-page document called the Anti-Handbook Handbook. It was incredibly informal and had hardly any official policies in it.

I was told my job would be to help open Tesla's first official dealership in Indiana and build its title and registration processes, among other new policies, from scratch. I was excited and said, "Let's do it."

The first year and a half was complete craziness and felt like nonstop grunt work.

I worked on a small team of four women, often churning 12 to 16-hour shifts in the back room of the Indianapolis service center. It felt like none of us knew what we were doing. Some days we were like chickens with our heads cut off, but I've never worked with such a great group of strong women.

I remember freaking out when we had 40 cars going out in one day in 2017. That number is laughable by today's standards, but that was a huge win for us. The synergy and excitement we had in 2017 and 2018 were the best I've ever seen and probably will see in my working life.

I worked during big personal moments, like my wedding day

I started bringing work home with me, taking calls at dinner, and running a short fuse with my soon-to-be husband and 7-year-old daughter.

It only spiraled from there. I justified working on my birthday, during my daughter's dance recitals, and even on my wedding day in 2018. During my honeymoon in Mauritius, my husband was upset to find me still trying to work with a 13-hour time difference.

I know it must've been even harder on my daughter. I remember I spent most of Christmas week at Tesla in 2018, and my daughter had to FaceTime me on Christmas Day just to see me.

There was a demand for the job to get done, and often I was the only one who could do a certain task or make an executive decision. By the end of 2018, customer demand was growing rapidly, and I felt like the message from management was to burn the midnight oil and work even harder to keep up, so I did.

I never cried as much as I did during Q4

The fourth quarter was always the worst and most chaotic time of year. Extreme shareholder expectations alongside Elon's ambitious Q4 goals meant everyone was expected to give Tesla their everything.

I remember complaining about my workload. Meanwhile, others were working much more, and some were sleeping in the office. I was so stressed all the time, hiding my tears from coworkers and fighting the urge to quit. Just thinking of Q4 gives me the grossest feeling; it makes me want to go have a beer.

Despite the difficulties, my coworkers and I bonded during that time. We were supposed to be with our families but couldn't be, so we built a family among each other. It was a beautiful silver lining in an overall bad situation.

The breaking point was when I came back from maternity leave

After my son was born in 2020, I was given a six-month maternity leave. When I returned, I was immediately hit with the same workload and expectations I'd had previously, but this time I couldn't physically do it while having a baby at home who needed me. I knew something needed to change.

My husband worked, too, so we had our son in daycare during normal working hours, but I could no longer justify working late into the night.

I also wasn't seeing eye-to-eye with my manager, which pushed me further away from the company. I remember telling my husband I just couldn't do it anymore.

I reached out to a former manager from the state and asked how he liked his current company. He told me it was great. I applied for a role and landed a job as an auditor, so I quit Tesla in 2021.

Since then, I bounced around to several other jobs, and I'm finally living a balanced life as a remote project manager. I have time to be with my family while still pursuing a career that fulfills me.

I'm still working on getting my family life back

Tesla is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes I look back and can't believe I was capable of working like that.

In so many ways, I'm still a true believer in Tesla and its mission for a more sustainable future, but a lot of damage was done while working there.

It's important for me to make time to spend time with friends and family. I'm now retraining my brain to be in the moment, go slow, take mental health days off, and enjoy the little things.

Tesla representatives didn't respond to requests for comment.

If you worked at Tesla and would like to share your experience, please email Tess Martinelli at tmartinelli@businessinsider.com