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I'm an elder caregiver who's faced death and isolation during the pandemic. I don't have time to think about work-life balance.

Mar 3, 2022, 21:36 IST
Business Insider
Courtesy of Sonia Rivas; iStock; Rebecca Zisser/Insider
  • Sonia Rivas, 54, cared for an older couple during the pandemic.
  • When the husband died, she says it was her job to keep his grieving wife experiencing joy every day.
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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sonia Rivas, a 54-year-old senior caregiver from Southfield, Michigan. It has been edited for length and clarity.

This story is part of "How the Pandemic Changed My Career," an Insider series documenting the moves and moments that shaped people's careers over the last two years.

I've been a caregiver for 10 years and make $700 a week.

I'd been caring for an elderly couple in their 90s for four years when the pandemic hit the US. I would make their meals, do their shopping, clean their condo, and give them their medications.

The husband, Stanley (not his real name), had bone cancer, so he needed massages, and they both had chiropractic exercises I had to make sure they did.

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When people went into lockdown in March 2020, I kept working for the couple

They begged me to stay on, and I knew they wouldn't have been able to manage on their own without me — and we didn't know how long the lockdown would be.

Going too long without work really wouldn't have been an option for me and my family either. So much was up in the air at that time. I didn't know where I would be able to find another job or how long people would be going without working, so I decided to stay.

I tried to keep 6 feet of distance between me and them whenever possible, and I double-masked the whole time I was at their home

The part I felt most nervous about was going out to do grocery shopping and pick up their medication. I was constantly trying to keep space between me and other shoppers and was always hurrying to get out of there as soon as possible.

I live with my husband; my 11-year-old son; my daughter and her baby; and my grown son, my daughter-in-law, and their son. So I was really worried about bringing COVID-19 back to the little ones.

My adult son stayed home to watch my younger son and coach him through his schoolwork when schools were closed, so they didn't have much exposure to the outside world. It was only my husband and I who could bring it back, and I was always scared for them.

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I remember one day I'd been working all day, cooked dinner for the couple, and came back and made dinner for the family, and there was a big snowstorm

Because my husband works nights, he was still sleeping, so I was shoveling and shoveling and shoveling, and the snow just wouldn't stop.

This was about a month into the COVID-19 madness, and I couldn't take it anymore. I came inside, gave my husband the shovel, and said, "No more." I was done fighting the snow on top of everything else.

In March, Stanley passed away. He was 98 years old.

Though it'd been expected for a long time, it obviously still caused his wife a lot of grief.

The pandemic was a difficult time to lose someone. I would take her to the hospital to visit him but couldn't go in with her, and it was much harder for her to spend every moment with him like she wanted.

For his funeral, the number of people who could come was limited, and it had a very different feel — much colder and detached, as people were masked and keeping space. I know this caused her a lot of sadness and made it harder for her to heal.

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She's a very religious woman, and the funeral was very important to her.

Since his loss, I honestly feel like my job is to keep her alive

She's sunk into a bit of a depression and struggles to remember to eat. I worry that when I'm not there over the weekends she won't take care of herself, so I constantly call her to check on her and give her reminders, and sometimes I visit to make sure she's OK.

Part of my work now is to encourage her to continue doing the things that bring her joy — visiting with her many friends in the condo, reading the Bible, playing cards — but she's always talking about wanting to be with him.

My hours were changed after Stanley passed away

There wasn't as big of a need to have me for the full time, so my hours changed. Before Stanley passed I was working 9 to 5, Monday through Friday; after he passed they only needed me 9 to 12, Monday through Friday. My husband still has his job, but there was a lot of fear surrounding the stability of my son's and daughter's jobs, so I knew I needed to supplement my work.

I took on a part-time nanny position in addition to the senior caregiving, as there's a surge of parents looking for nannies right now. I now spend mornings with Violet (not her real name) and then watch two children Monday through Wednesday from 1 to 5.

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It's definitely a more hectic schedule, and when I come home there's still my son to feed. But everyone is making adjustments right now, so I'm lucky I haven't lost my work.

I haven't thought much about work-life balance

Work is just part of life — it's something you always have to do. The bills keep coming, even during a pandemic.

I'm just thankful that I have work that doesn't expose me to a bunch of different people so I can keep my children safe.

I look forward to this all being a thing of the past, to people walking outside without masks — but most of all, without anxiety.

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