I'm a kids' soccer referee who's been threatened with violence by angry parents and coaches. It's easy to see why there's a national shortage of officials.

• Brian Baer is a veteran referee and the president of the Hudson Valley Soccer Referee Association.
• He said abuse by parents and coaches has always been an issue but post-COVID-19 it's gotten worse.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Brian Baer, the 55-year-old president of the Hudson Valley Soccer Referee Association in New York, about his job. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

When my two oldest kids were playing youth soccer in 2004, I decided I wanted to give back a bit to our local community, so I started coaching. Since then, I've become a referee mentor, licensed by US Soccer, and I've moved into officiating soccer matches for youth as well as amateur adult games, which I've been doing for about 15 years now.

In 2017, I also became the volunteer president of the Hudson Valley Soccer Referee Association, which assigns more than 400 member referees for the community league.

There's currently a real referee shortage for youth and amateur games, and it's come as a one-two punch

The smaller punch was COVID-19. Over the last two-and-a-half years, we've lost a number of senior referees who felt it was probably a good time to step away.

But honestly, the bigger punch is the high amount of verbal abuse, harassment, and sometimes even assault that referees have been experiencing, not just in our area but across the country.

I've had multiple incidents against me personally and dealt with even more that's happened to other referees

Just the other day, an adult referee in our league was working a boys-under-14 game. He told me he wound up having to send the coach off after cautioning him twice. The match ended up having to be abandoned.

One of the team's coaches was yelling and swearing because he disagreed with how the referee was calling the match. The kicker is, after the game while the referee was walking across the field, he had to walk through the spectators to get to his car and they were verbally abusing and harassing him.

The actions by the spectators are in clear violation of the eastern New York Youth Soccer Association's zero-tolerance policy.

Penalties for this behavior vary

Coaches will receive a minimum of one-game suspension, up to a full 10-games or more for poor behavior from themselves or the parents and supporters.

If the parents abusing referees can be identified, they can be banned anywhere from two games to life. There have been extreme cases where a coach or spectator has received a year through to life suspensions.

Last year, I was physically threatened by a parent whom I'd thrown out of the game

He threatened to kick my butt. I asked the coach to take the parent to the parking lot, but then he came back. Keep in mind, the team that the parent was there supporting was actively winning the game — he was just disagreeing with an offside call that we actually got right.

After abandoning the match, I dialed 911 and the state police came and wound up escorting us to our cars.

Once, while working an amateur adult game, the referee crew and I were threatened with gun violence

A player, after disagreeing with a decision, threatened to go to his car after the game to get his gun and shoot us in the face. Again, we had to abandon the match and walk off the field.

I have dozens of stories that are less extreme than those, but just as equally valid and pertinent to why so many referees are leaving the sport.

Before COVID-19, abuse usually came down to a lack of knowledge of the laws of the game

The main issue that seems to get people angry is the offside law. This knowledge hasn't really improved post-COVID-19, but now it seems people are even more aggressive after being cooped up for two years. And they're taking that anger out on the 14- or 15-year-old, brand new referee — and even the 45-year-old, experienced referee.

The referee is just there to do a job, which is to make sure the players are safe and that the laws of the game are applied equitably so all players, spectators, and coaches can enjoy the game.

In 2017, eastern New York had just over 3,200 referees. Today, we have 1,300.

On top of that, there are even more games and tournaments now than there were five years ago, so staffing games is an issue.

The average lifespan of a referee in our association is about four to five years — it's usually kids who start at 14 or 15 and referee with us until they go off to college. In my district, about half the referees are teenagers and half are adults.

It's not that we can't attract referees — depending on how many games a referee works, they can earn between $80 and $250. The more games you referee, the more you're going to make per match. Equally, the higher age-level games you do, the more you earn. For example, for an under-17 or 18 match, the center referee would earn roughly $90 and the assistant referee would earn half of that. In an under-10 match, you're only earning about $30 per game.

The problem is that once they get harassed, they leave, and it makes retention our biggest problem.

In order to deal with referee abuse, we've implemented a robust mentoring program in our district

Most of the abuse I've seen is during games for players aged nine through 13. It's not just the parents abusing us, but the coaches as well. For some reason, they start to get abusive from under 11s — because by then they've been in the system for a couple of years.

We set up a mentorship program to connect more experienced referees with newer hires. They take one weekend off from officiating and provide support to those who are usually younger or less experienced. We're building a community of referees who look after each other.

We do an exercise that we call an 'Oreo cookie'

This is when we give them two things that they did really well and something that they can improve upon.

So, for example, "You blew your whistle very loudly and confidently throughout the game. Coupled with that, you signaled very confidently, too. But what you can improve upon is your positioning on the field during the run of play" — and then give them two or three examples to help them understand. For someone who was already refereeing at a seven, now we want them to bring it to an eight or a nine.

It can be challenging, but I still love refereeing. It gives me an opportunity to give back to the sport that I love so much. I'm able to develop future referees and create a safe and healthy environment for players, whether they're eight or 58 years old.

Do you have an interesting story to tell related to your job? Email Lauryn Haas at lhaas@insider.com.