- Brenda Christensen is a 62-year-old and CEO of Stellar Public Relations.
- She and her husband married in their early 40s and quickly became pregnant with their daughter.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Brenda Christensen, whose daughter was diagnosed with autism at age 3. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My husband and I met later in life at work when we were both in our early 40s. Prior to that, we had both had successful careers.
I worked as head of public relations for a security company and he was the chief technical officer for the same company. When we became a couple, I retained my financial independence, and my income increased as I opened my own boutique PR business.
At 42, I unexpectedly became pregnant with our daughter. When she was born, we juggled her childcare between the two of us. I primarily worked from home, so managed to continue working while taking care of her. My husband's job was fairly flexible too, even though not home-based. He usually went into the office a few days a week. So for the first three years of her life, we tag-teamed taking care of Isabella.
She was diagnosed with autism at age 3
She was a great baby. I remember setting up activity pods for her to do while I got on with work.
But when Isabella was 3, she was diagnosed with autism. Very quickly, her support and needs ramped up. There were applied behavior analysis therapists, physical therapists, and speech and language therapists coming to the house each week. She needed increased attention from us as she came out of the toddler phase.
Chatting with my husband, we decided that one of us would need to stay home to take care of Isabella. We couldn't continue to both work long hours and juggle a family. We wanted her primary child carer to be one of us, rather than paying someone else to do it.
Our incomes were just about even at the time, so that didn't factor into the decision about who would continue working.
My husband was feeling very burned out at work. Working in cybersecurity was a super high-stress job, and he had been feeling the urge to finish. I loved my job and was able to work remotely and flexibly, so I didn't want to give it up. Both factors led us to decide that my husband would be the primary carer for Isabella.
He loved taking care of her
While some might expect that it felt like a sacrifice for my husband to give up work, he found it a relief. He embraced taking care of Isabella with open arms. She loved having so much time with her dad, too. The routine he was able to provide for her has been invaluable. She is now 17 and is thriving because of the decision her dad made to stay home with her.
Since he had been raised by strong, financially independent women, it didn't phase him at all that I became the breadwinner of the family.
We call ourselves Isabella Inc., approaching our care for Isabella as a structured business of sorts. I take care of the financial side, and my husband takes care of the house and Isabella. We truly are partners in family life.
If I'm honest, he has a harder job. If there was a payroll, he should be earning more for his work.