- I worked in HR for over 15 years and I left my job while I was pregnant with my first child.
- I realized that working in HR for that long has actually made me a better parent.
After over 15 years in HR, I stepped away from my career. The draining nature of being an employee relations manager for 300+ employees had taken its toll on me, and with a newborn on the way, it was the perfect time to shift gears.
Working in employee relations gave me a front-row seat to a range of personal issues, emotional situations, and breakdowns that could rival any toddler tantrum. While I didn't know it then, it was the perfect preparation for parenthood.
I have the HR voice
I have a tone, one that my husband refers to as my HR voice. It's an octave higher, a touch sweeter, and has a lilt to it that puts me and the person I'm speaking with at ease. I've used it countless times in emotionally charged situations where calm is in short supply. I liken it to talking with a smile.
As my son entered toddlerhood, I employed "the tone" more frequently. After a decade in the HR trenches, it came naturally whether I was dealing with an irrational child or an emotional adult. Not only does it help to calm a worked-up child, but it also helps me to maintain my composure.
I'm an expert listener
I've heard the most outrageous stories from employees. No matter how outlandish the tale was, my job was to listen fully to their side of the story.
My son can concoct some wild excuses. Rather than cutting him off when he is not telling the truth, I hear him out. He often realizes mid-way through that what he is saying does not add up, sighs, and the truth emerges.
If I did not allow him the opportunity to explain himself and instead accused him of lying, his natural inclination would be to go on the defensive. When we find ourselves in a defensive position, we dig in our heels and fight harder to justify our stance, leading to more frustration by both parties. Simply listening can avoid much of the conflict.
I always try find solutions
Employees regularly came to me with simple problems to solve. While there are times when HR should become immediately involved, other times, it's a simple misunderstanding that a short conversation could solve.
When my son comes to me with an issue, I always ask what steps he has taken to address the problem himself. It can be something as benign as being hungry or more complex like dealing with a bully. Ultimately, I am there to step in if needed, but I want him to be able to problem-solve for himself first.
Feedback can really help someone
Part of my job was teaching managers how to provide effective feedback. It's a delicate act that, if done correctly, can help a person grow professionally and personally, but if done wrong, it can break the bonds of trust and communication.
No matter our age, we tend to hear and hold onto criticism rather than positive feedback. It's a balance of presenting feedback that maintains, even strengthens, self-confidence while providing the information needed to grow and improve.
With my son, I avoid using words such as wrong or fail. My goal is to help him figure out what works, find ways to improve his approach, and ultimately grow his confidence in trying on his own and knowing when to ask for help.
I make him make a case for what he wants
Having employees ask for raises was common. However, having employees ask for raises with rock-solid data to support why they deserved a raise was less common. Those who presented a clear and compelling case had a much higher chance of receiving a raise.
Children have many wants that they insist are needs. My son is no different and frequently asks me to buy things. Usually, my answer is that he can use his own money for his wants. Yet, there have been times when he has presented a strong case outlining why he felt he needed rather than merely wanted an item, swaying my decision.
At age 5, he understands that sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no, but if he can present valid reasons supporting his case, he is more likely to receive his request.
While I decided to step away from the HR world, the skills I gained still come into play nearly every day.