I said no to a senior job opportunity because it was 5 days in the office. It's outdated and doesn't work for single parents like me.

• Kimberley Whitaker, a lawyer, withdrew an application because the job didn't allow hybrid work.
• She said she was "deflated" because she couldn't make the job work around childcare.

This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Kimberley Whitaker, a lawyer in London. It has been edited for length and clarity.

When I had my daughter in 2019, I needed to work out how on earth I was going to be both a corporate lawyer and a single mother.

I was fortunate because working became more flexible after the COVID-19 pandemic hit.

When I applied for a role as general counsel, the head lawyer who's expected to advise on all issues for an organization, for HealthHero, I was candid in my interview that I never wanted to be in the office more than a couple of days a week. I also said I would need to leave work at 5:30 p.m. if I was working from home and 5 p.m. if I was in the office so I could collect my daughter from nursery.

They told me that as long as I could get the job done, it was up to me how I did it. I felt very empowered by that. Without that flexibility, I'm not sure I would've been able to do a general-counsel role. As a single mum to a little one, it was worrying because I used to be in the office at all hours.

Someone once told me that as a parent, I wouldn't have the same drives and ambitions as I did before. That is untrue. I had the same ambition — but I worried about how I was going to make it work with additional responsibilities in my life and with a social structure that didn't seem to support parents.

A hybrid model worked best

I like the hybrid model because it's nice to see people in the office, and conversations are best face-to-face. I think some mandated office time works well for the legal sector. I learned so much from watching more-senior lawyers throughout my career. I think that's valuable for trainee and junior lawyers. But five days in the office isn't necessary for a high-performing culture and building bonds with colleagues.

On days I went into the office, which was about twice a week from September 2022, I'd be up at 5:15 a.m. to work out and shower before my daughter woke up.

From the second I woke up, I felt like I was rushing. Colleagues might see me eat breakfast at my desk at 9 a.m. and rush out of the office at 5 p.m., but they didn't know I'd already been up for four hours by the time I had that first coffee and porridge.

I withdrew a job application because the employer mandated 5 days in the office

I left my job at HealthHero in May to spend the summer with my daughter before she started school. I've been looking for a job over the past month or so.

I applied for another general-counsel role in July. There are never that many available. To find one that, on paper, matched so much of what I was looking for was hugely exciting. During my interview, the employer said that it required five days a week in the office.

I was surprised and deflated. It was an outdated approach, given the changes we've seen since COVID-19 affected our working practices. I was disappointed that this job probably wouldn't work for me. It would mean putting my daughter in school childcare programs before and after school each day and maybe additional evening childcare — I would barely see her in the week.

Six weeks later, I was told the company was delighted with my interview and wanted to proceed to the next interview in the application process. I turned it down. I said that five days wouldn't work for me or for anyone with caring responsibilities — and that I thought it was important to allow flexibility.

I would've liked to have taken the role

If the role were hybrid, I would have continued with the process.

Walking away was a bit scary, both because of the type of role it was and because it would have been reassuring to have something lined up to start after my daughter was in school.

I briefly wondered whether I should keep myself in the running but decided that it was easier to walk away before getting an offer. I didn't want to be tempted to accept something that wasn't going to work in my life.

Flexibility is key

It isn't just about the five days in the office but also about what that represents: a lack of recognition that flexibility is needed by some and can work for companies, too.

Countless employers have moved on from that and realize that there's a balance between being in the office and building relationships with colleagues, and having flexibility that makes work-life balance better.

My plan is for days I'm working — both from home and in the office — to have childcare covered until 6 p.m., through after-school club, or help from my dad or friends. When I go into the office, I'd need my daughter to go to breakfast club so I could get in on time.

I'd be open to working fully remote but one or two days in the office would be perfect. I wouldn't want to work from the office more than three days a week.

I think it's important for employers to trust employees to make things work in our lives. I want an interesting, varied, and exciting career, but I also want to raise my daughter.