I regret doing OnlyFans when I turned 18. My subscribers pushed my boundaries, sent degrading messages, and treated me like an object.

• This former OnlyFans content creator joined at 18 years old and stayed on the app for three years.
• She said it was a full-time job and her subscribers constantly pushed her boundaries.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with a former OnlyFans creator. They asked not to be named to protect their identity, but their income and former job have been confirmed by Insider. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

When I turned 18, I did something I thought would help me feel empowered as a woman, but instead it left me traumatized. I joined OnlyFans. I only spent three years as an OnlyFans creator but looking back, those were the most miserable years of my life.

At the time, joining OnlyFans felt like a natural progression. I was already posting bikini pictures on Instagram so I didn't really feel like there was a big difference between posting photos there and posting them on OnlyFans.

I saw other creators talking about how being an OnlyFans creator was empowering and a way to be in charge of your own life. That all sounded good to me. But the reality of what actually happened was nothing like that.

My OnlyFans subscribers constantly pushed my boundaries

During my time as an OnlyFans creator, I was more depressed and anxious than I've ever been before. I was making really good money — great money actually, on average up to $20,000 a month — but I felt like my subscribers were constantly pushing my boundaries.

No matter what I posted, they wanted more explicit content. I ended up sending nude photos a few times even though I didn't want to because I felt so pressured and they were offering so much money. I would also receive terrible messages that were so degrading and I didn't see any filtering system on OnlyFans to block them.

It was obvious that they saw me as an object for their pleasure and not as a person. It was awful being constantly sexualized to such a dehumanizing level.

I was miserable and spending money to hide my depression and anxiety

For all the money I was bringing in, I was spending it just as quickly. I spent money to mask my depression and anxiety. I got used to this luxurious lifestyle where I'd go on fancy trips to beautiful places to shoot content in a new setting. Each time I'd think, maybe this is the trip I'll be happy on. But it was never true. I was always miserable.

My family and friends wanted me to stop but they couldn't control me. It was something I couldn't let go of once I started.

My whole life revolved around creating OnlyFans content

I didn't grow up with much money. As a kid, I was made fun of for having a rundown car and a small house. I think that instilled a desire in me to make money as an adult and prove myself. It felt like money would be the answer to all my problems, but it wasn't.

OnlyFans felt like a path to self-sufficiency, and for a time it was. The money was good, but it changed my life. I started isolating myself because I was so depressed and I lost the closeness I had with my family. My friendships started to suffer because I avoided my friends.

My whole life revolved around creating content and talking to my subscribers. I spent at least two hours a day messaging subscribers and it took a few hours to shoot and edit content. It was a full-time job. I was spending at least 8 hours a day doing all of this and it was exhausting.

It got to the point where the money wasn't worth it

I had no idea what I was getting into. I was so young and naive and I didn't see the big deal of posting sexy pictures. And then once I had done it, I figured there was no reason to stop, since the photos were already out there.

I felt terrible. All the creepy attention was making me sick. Subscribers kept asking for nude photos, and offering more and more money. I found myself stepping past my own boundaries and it left me feeling suicidal.

I was close to ending my life to be honest. I couldn't live with myself and felt like I was constantly on the edge of a mental breakdown. My life was spiraling. and I needed help. Though I was raised in a Christian household, I'd lost sight of my faith but a family member noticed that I was spiraling and prayed for me. And through that prayer, I found my way back to Jesus.

I've found strength to leave OnlyFans through my faith

I don't think I could've left it all behind on my own, but I've found strength through my faith. I know now that there is a purpose for my life. I think I experienced what I did so that I could have a platform to share my story with other girls who are going through it — which is what I've done in TikTok videos detailing my experiences.

Now I'm trying to find a new life and I'm rebranding in the social media space to create a career I'm proud of. I'm ready to move forward, without OnlyFans.

Editor's note: An OnlyFans spokeswoman sent the following statement to Insider:

"OnlyFans is designed to empower creators to connect with their fans in a safe environment behind a secure paywall. Creators maintain ownership of all of their content and if a creator chooses to leave the platform they can close their accounts and delete all their content at any time. In addition, all creators have the power to block or report users who behave inappropriately and we take additional action where necessary."