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I obsessed about becoming a VP. When I finally got promoted, it was a huge disappointment.

Dec 20, 2023, 17:13 IST
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Katy McFee was disappointed when she finally reached the VP level.eclipse_images/Getty Images
  • Katy McFee is a former VP and CEO of a coaching and consulting company.
  • She worked hard to become a VP but was disappointed once she reached her goal.
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Becoming a VP was a big disappointment for me.

I knew I wanted to be one since my first-ever sales job. I thought my boss (our VP Sales) had the coolest job ever, so I set out to make it happen.

I was a hard worker, and after a few successful sales roles at some bigger companies, I was offered the opportunity to join another start-up and build a team. I'd landed my first real leadership role.

But I soon felt stuck in my career

Starting at this new company filled me with imposter syndrome. Being an achievement-driven individual, I was not afraid to work like crazy for my goal. I lived and breathed my job.

For the next few years, I tried to get that next promotion and was always told I just wasn't there yet. I was frustrated, but I hung in there, and after a reorg, I got a director title and a seat at the senior management table.

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To say I felt out of my element would be an understatement

There were a few reasons for this.

  1. I just had my second child and struggled to balance being a mom of two young boys and my new leadership role.

  1. I felt different from the other execs. I had a bubbly, outgoing personality and a sales background, while they were primarily introverted intellects.

  1. My undiagnosed ADHD meant struggling to make early morning meetings or read long documents — things that seemed so simple for everyone else and impossible for me.

All of this triggered feelings of imposter syndrome and doubt in myself. I questioned whether someone like me was really cut out to be at the executive table.

I remember there was a group of executives, including the CEO, who would go for lunch on Thursdays to talk strategy. If you got invited, you were in the club. In my five years as a director, I never did.

For the next five years, I worked my tail off, hoping to land a promotion to VP. I poured my heart and soul into trying to get the business off the ground. I put in long days and worked in the evenings. This meant answering emails the minute I opened my eyes in the morning, rarely taking a real lunch break and being 'on' 24-7. I never took a vacation without my phone and made myself the 'go-to' for anything my team needed.

But the biggest sacrifice was the travel. I recall one trip to California in particular. I was traveling with one of my reps to try and close business. The pressure was on because we weren't hitting our numbers, and I felt this reflected my own ability to be an executive.

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I got a note from my son's school saying their kindergarten graduation would be on the Thursday that I was gone. My heart sank. I couldn't cancel the work trip so, as I always did, I put my job first. I tried to video call from the car, but we lost connection. I missed the whole thing.

I didn't realize how much the stress of my job was impacting my relationships and my physical and mental health.

I was even told I may need to accept that I might never be a VP

I brought up my VP promotion to my boss every chance I got — during annual reviews as well as in our 1-on-1 meetings. I must have had at least two dozen conversations with him about this, with me trying to convince him to give me the title, and each time, he responded that I needed to be more strategic, and I just wasn't there yet.

I started to wonder whether I should consider a different career path.

Finally, after eight and a half years with the company, I decided it was time to make a change. I was having lunch with a VP I had worked for previously and mentioned I was considering my options. To my utter surprise, he suggested a VP sales opportunity he thought I was perfect for.

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Long story short, I got the role. I was actually going to be a VP — I finally made it

My dream came true. But it wasn't what I expected.

C-suite execs and VPs were treating me like I had all of the knowledge. They were asking my advice on things — and listening.

At first this surprised me, and worried me a little. Would I be able to live up to their expectations? Clearly, they thought I was a whole lot smarter than I actually was.

But I realized that I was just as capable as them and had been so all along. I was the same person I was before the VP title, with the exact same knowledge — it's not like after I became VP I suddenly became 200% wiser. But because I was now a VP, people were listening to me, and it was hard for me to reconcile that.

After years of not being part of the club, I had created a narrative in my head that the people at the table had something that I didn't have — and I may never have. But the truth was they weren't any smarter, more talented, or special. It struck me that my colleagues were actually just like me.

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Two years into my role, I was contacted by a recruiter for an EVP role. This was a real seat at the table. I took the call thinking there was no way I'd actually get an offer. But sure enough, after a couple of rounds of interviews, I got the job and accepted it.

Starting my EVP role was nerve-wracking. But I got to learn my lesson all over again. Here I was, part of a talented team of high-achieving execs. And they valued me.

Finally, after years of doubting myself, I realized my fellow executives were treating me like their equal because I was.

And I was so disappointed — in me

I was disappointed I let my own self-doubt get in the way for too many years. That I assumed the people at the table were so much smarter than I was. That I believed the messages I'd received for so long, that the people who belonged at the table weren't like me.

It was total BS. I felt disappointed that I had let one environment dictate how I felt about my abilities for so long.

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This realization gave me the freedom to show up as my full authentic self in my leadership role and share my ideas with confidence. As soon as I allowed myself to let go of my limiting beliefs, things got so much easier.

Katy McFee is the CEO of Insights to Action Coaching and Consulting.

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