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I moved in with my aunt after quitting my COO job and giving up my dream apartment. My peace is worth more to me than money.

Aug 7, 2024, 16:56 IST
Business Insider
Ashley Couto.Kayla Mendez
  • Ashley Couto, a former COO, quit her high-paying job due to overwhelming stress and anxiety.
  • After years of overwork, she wanted a better work-life balance and took a new fully remote role.
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Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, on a flight back to Montreal after my 10-day luxury trip to Paris in 2023, I realized I needed to quit my multiple-six-figure job as a Chief Operating Officer at a coaching company.

I spent my entire trip worried and bothered by Discord notifications from my team about trivial things.

Stress and not having time to cook for five years, while I pulled 60+ hour weeks, added 20 pounds yearly to my body. I cried almost daily and got so anxious that my tongue and hands regularly went numb.

My entire life had become work, and I didn't want to live that way

I wanted to be a person who slept eight hours a night, had hobbies, and paid attention in conversations with the people I cared about.

It's been over a year since I quit, and I'm still in therapy, unpacking the mental and emotional damage from that job. I only stayed for as long as I did because I thought that was as good as it would ever get for me.

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I had to take a drastic pay cut after I quit, but I don't regret it

When I left, recruiters weren't chasing after me, even though I have 20 years of marketing and design experience, including in director and C-suite positions. My degrees are in art history and journalism — I'm not your typical Fortune 500 or tech startup candidate.

I also need to work remotely due to a chronic health condition that makes walking difficult and driving impossible.

After two months of applying to over 150 jobs, I was hired as a general manager in the hospitality industry. I know how lucky I am to have a fully remote job where I can clock out at 4 p.m. and not bring the day's stresses with me. I'm also a contract AI marketing instructor and a freelance writer.

Combined, I still only make about a third of my former salary, but I'm a lot happier now. I've found everything I was searching for a year ago and am content with where I am.

My mental peace is worth a lot more to me than money.

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I wasn't willing to spend almost a third of my new salary on rent

At my old job, I didn't think twice about signing a lease on a $1,650-a-month apartment with 18-foot ceilings in Montreal. Before that, I'd paid $2,600 for a smaller, furnished condo in Toronto, so it felt like a deal.

It was a dream apartment, but as soon as I quit, making sure I could pay the rest of my lease became my top priority. When my renewal offer arrived in February for $1,695, I knew it was time to take a hard look at my priorities: Did I value the humble flex of being able to say I live in a converted textile factory loft, or did my financial focus need to be elsewhere?

I chose to build up my savings account toward retirement. I started looking for new apartments, but I couldn't find anything that wasn't dingy or old for the amount I was willing to spend. I wasn't willing to move in with a stranger, either.

Moving in with my aunt made sense for both of us

Couto with her aunt.Ashley Couto

My aunt is my best friend — I think we make the 30+ year age gap in our friendship work because she's young at heart, and I have the hobbies and some of the same physical limitations as someone older. We lived together for five years before I moved to Toronto in 2020.

She's nearing retirement, which will cut her monthly income by about 50%. It was stressing her out.

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In addition to my rent, I used to pay about $250 a week for food delivery, $150 a month for cleaning, and roughly $160 a month for Uber rides to and from my aunt's place, which totaled about $2,985 for my basic monthly expenses.

I pay my aunt $500 to rent a room in her condo in the suburbs of Montreal

I also pay our collective grocery and utility bills for another $800 a month, which is about $1,300 all-in. I save $1,685 monthly, which goes straight into my savings account.

My aunt makes an extra $500, and her monthly expenses have been reduced by about $400 because I'm taking on the utilities. This is almost enough to replace the income she's going to lose.

We also have a barter system — she cooks and does my laundry, but when we have big expenses, I handle them. I bought a couch when I moved in, and I'm replacing our hot water tank as soon as it's due for renewal. I hate cooking and laundry, and she gets stressed by these big one-time expenses, so we feel good about the exchange.

I don't regret my choice to move in with her at all, and I have no plans to leave

During the pandemic, my friend group spread across the country, so being completely by myself could be lonely at times.

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Living with my aunt helps combat that loneliness and keeps my mental health in a good place. I feel much better about paying rent to my aunt than to a landlord, and it allows us both to put money aside for the future.

Want to share your story? Email Lauryn Haas at lhaas@businessinsider.com

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