How working moms can make sure they don't get lost in the RTO conversation

• Women, especially mothers, have seen sharp increases in workforce participation.
• Leaders need to articulate team needs; workers need to be honest about work-life prioritization.

For many moms, it's WDFH: working double from home.

The flexibility of signing on from their living room leaves more time for school pickups, doctor's appointments, and meal planning, but it's more of a Band-Aid than a real fix for the pile of challenges working moms often face.

Even for heterosexual couples that split duties at home, women tend to take on more of the actual work of childcare — or the 'invisible' load. For these women, who want to be great moms and have fulfilling careers, and some RTO mandates may make achieving both (or either!) seem impossible, workplace experts and female C-suite execs told Insider.

A recent Reddit post from someone who said she was a working mom points to what's at stake: The woman asked whether to accept a WFH job that would require her to fly across the US for a few days each month. Her pay would be triple to quadruple what she'd been making, yet the mother of kids ages 2 and 4 was "worried it'll be too much," she wrote.

So what's a mom to do? And how do companies meet them in the middle?

As more teams are called back to the office, mothers' workforce participation is at risk. They can't be in the office, run a meeting, and coach soccer all at once. Many may choose to leave the workforce as millions did during the depths of the pandemic.

Every situation is different, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach that works for all moms or all companies. But rather than assuming Monday and Fridays WFH will enable moms to be present for their kids, employers who require in-office days should use data, welcome fresh ideas, and embrace adaptability, experts told Insider.

Moms should "document their priorities" instead of "trying to prove their worth," said Kelly Resendez, executive vice president of talent acquisition and development at solar-financing company GoodLeap, and cofounder of the women's networking group GoBundance Woman.

Without honesty and flexibility from both moms and their bosses, "it's really hard to actually do your job well, and care give well," Danna Greenberg, professor of organizational behavior at Babson College, told Insider.

You can't manage what you don't measure

Recently, Wells Fargo economists identified women with young children as a new strength in the job market, Insider's Cork Gaines wrote. This surge in employment, particularly among mothers with young children, has played a significant role in boosting the economy, he explained.

Of course, some moms may work to afford the rising cost of childcare, which can cost as much as an extra rent or mortgage payment. In September, the average US family spent more than $700 a month on childcare — an increase of 32% from 2019, according to data from Bank of America.

Instead of making certain days required, understanding who shows up at the office when can enable managers to think about creative ways to get the best out of their teams.

Greenberg said bosses need to track who's showing up at the office — not to punish WFH employees, but so leaders can think about managing those workers in a way that makes the most of their time. Doing so can make it less likely that moms who work from home will miss out on key assignments or be left behind when it comes to career opportunities.

Resendez told Insider that employers need to be deliberate about how they come up with their RTO policies so that moms aren't pushed out of the workforce.

"Before you create a return-to-work policy, really make sure that you assess the needs of that department, and then also survey the employees to understand the impact," she said.

Be open-minded

Mandy McAllister, CEO of GoBundance Women, told Insider that women shouldn't feel like they can't talk to their bosses about their needs, but those who pitch a fix to a problem — like set RTO days — stand a better chance of getting a boss to agree to a workable setup for both sides.

"I think any big problem, the one who comes up with the solution gets what they want," she said.

Resendez added, "If we wait for someone to rescue us, if we wait for someone else to come up with a master plan for us to grow our career in spite of whatever situation we have, we're going to be waiting for a really long time."

Really embrace the meaning of flexibility

Kelly Scheib, chief people officer at data provider Crunchbase and a mother of five, told Insider leaders need to consider whether they're being adaptable in what they ask of their workers. And leaders in areas like HR need to get comfortable accommodating employees who have differing needs, she said.

"I am a unique human and have five children," Scheib said. "So my needs are going to be very different. And I think organizations that like to play prescriptively won't survive into the future."

Taking an individual approach to employees can help them do their best work — and meet the employer's needs — especially because many RTO mandates often fail to take into account what many working moms need, Scheib said.

"Now we have to split ourselves even further because someone wants to watch our work," she said. "That's really sad. And I think the kids will suffer at the end of the day and moms and their mental health will suffer."