Here's how to recognize when you're in a toxic friendship — and how to end it, according to a psychotherapist

• Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, licensed clinical social worker, mental strength coach, and international bestselling author.
• If you find yourself dreading calls from a certain friend or feel emotionally drained every time you talk to them, it might be time to end your platonic friendship, says Morin.
• She explains it's important to be direct, honest, and not defensive when you and your friend finally have that conversation.
• Losing a friend can be a difficult loss, and it's okay to feel sad — but remember to focus on what you learned from this friendship and how it can help you be stronger and wiser moving forward.

Healthy friendships are a two-way street. You get something out of the relationship, and you also give your friend something too — fun times, emotional support, or perhaps a golfing partner.

But sometimes friendships can feel one-sided. Maybe your pal always asks to borrow money and never repays the debt. Or perhaps you have a friend who insists on telling you all about their life without ever asking how you're doing.

If you've started dreading calls from a certain friend or find that you feel drained every time you talk to them, you might decide the friendship just isn't working out. But how do you end a platonic relationship?

How to recognize when it's time to end the friendship

You certainly don't want to ditch a lifelong friend just because they're going through a rough patch that causes them to become a little more self-absorbed or extra needy. But you also don't want to tolerate abusive or disrespectful behavior from someone who thinks it's OK to take out their frustrations on you.

So while it's up to you to decide when to call it quits, here are some signs your friendship might be toxic:

• Your friend puts you down.
• Your friend asks for favors all the time without acknowledging your effort.
• Your friend shows zero interest in your life.
• Your friend expects you to meet all their needs.
• Your friend violates the boundaries you set.
• Your friend constantly ditches you when other opportunities arise.

How to break up with a friend

In some cases, you might decide the best way to cut a friend out of your life is to just stop returning texts or calls. Within a few weeks, they may get the hint and stop trying to contact you.

Or you might find that you're able to avoid invitations by claiming to be busy or that you can't hang out.

But there are plenty of cases where this gradual disengagement just won't work. Maybe it's someone that you're going to run into on a regular basis. Or perhaps you have a mutual friend. The toxic friend would learn that you aren't as busy as you claim since you're always hanging out with the other friend.

In these cases, you may need to have a conversation that says, "This is over." While you might tell a romantic partner, "I'm breaking up with you," those words probably don't feel appropriate when you're ending a friendship. So what can you say?

A direct but honest approach is usually best. You might say something like, "Our friendship isn't working for me right now," or "I'm not interested in hanging out anymore because it seems like whenever we make plans, you cancel them if you get a better invitation."

Don't be surprised if your words are met with anger. Your friend may lash out and list all the things that make you a bad friend. Or if they're especially immature, they might insist they never really liked you anyway.

Being rejected by a friend often brings out some childish and unhelpful responses in people. Keep in mind that they're responding that way because their feelings are hurt. It doesn't mean it's OK for them to be mean, but keeping this in mind may prevent you from getting defensive back. And their negative reaction may reinforce to you that you're making the right choice.

How to cope

Just because you've ended the friendship, however, doesn't mean you won't grieve the loss of your friend. After all, you likely had some fun times and good conversations together.

Don't try to convince yourself that you never liked them anyway or that you don't care. Instead, allow yourself to feel sad — and to experience all of the other conflicted emotions that may crop up.

Feeling bad now can help you move forward later. It's part of the healing process.

You could also focus on what you learned from the friendship. Are you more aware of red flags you should be on the lookout for when you develop friendships in the future? Are you going to set healthy boundaries early on?

You might have also learned a lot about yourself from the friendship. Perhaps you discovered that you've got a wild side that doesn't come out often. Or maybe you now recognize how easily influenced you can be.

Take whatever you've learned, and commit to moving forward as a stronger, wiser person. And even though the friendship didn't last, you likely gained some wisdom from your time with the person that you can carry forward.