Throughout the country, couples have been spending pretty much all of their time together, day in and day out.
For most couples it took some time — and a lot of trial and error — to figure out a new routine that worked for both people. And now it's all changing again as couples anticipate one or both of them returning to work.
But going back to work is far from business as usual; it is filled with uncertainty and brings up emotional and practical concerns, with people experiencing sadness, fear, and a lot of questions about health and safety, and suffering from the overall uncertainty of how it will work.
My client Anders said about his time with his partner Jasmine: "Initially, our home felt a bit crowded. We seemed to keep bumping up against one another. But it all evened out and the last few months have been lovely. We've been eating lunch together every day and it's going to be really weird to leave each morning. I am going to miss all the conversations with her."
His main concern is losing the deep sense of connection in their relationship.
Mariana, a therapist in Chicago, is extremely concerned about her family's health. She has been working at home and will continue to do so. However, her husband is going back to his job at a rental car company next week, and she is panicked about maintaining the health of their family and her elderly parents who live next door. She is worried his employer won't be proactive enough to keep him safe despite mask wearing, gloves, and social distancing.
Mariana and her husband have plans for him to shower the moment he comes home from work, to do laundry everyday, and to send him with a packed lunch which he will eat in his car in order to minimize potential exposure to the coronavirus in the company cafeteria. Feeling stressed as she anticipates this big change for them, she is realizing how much safer she felt while they were both sheltering in place.
While her attention is on other things right now, it's clear to me that this is going to create issues with their physical intimacy as well — for the foreseeable future any kind of physical intimacy will feel risky, insofar as it may be putting her at greater risk of contracting COVID-19.
While none of us have ever gone back to the office in the context of a pandemic, we can learn from the experience of those who have a new job after being laid off for many months, anyone who has dealt with returning to a regular routine after an injury or illness, the return of a loved one from deployment, going back to work after maternity leave, or even the complications that sometimes arise with returning home from an intense vacation.
In each of those transitions, all the logistical challenges are exacerbated by tension and disconnection in the relationship, leaving each person feeling a bit alone at a time when they especially yearn for support from their partner.
In 25 years of guiding couples through challenging transitions, I have discovered a way to create harmony and collaboration in the face of an impactful transition. The following four steps are designed to help you and your partner weather any storm with a strong sense of stability and the pleasure that comes from feeling a heartwarming connection with your partner.