- Valerie Rodriguez, an HR director, advises against oversharing personal details with managers.
- The modern workplace encourages authenticity, but oversharing can lead to uncomfortable situations.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Valerie Rodriguez, a 31-year-old HR director in New Jersey. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I've worked in HR for 10 years, mainly partnering with business leaders to promote best practices. I'm responsible for making people feel seen, heard, and accepted at work.
The modern workplace has become an environment where people are encouraged to be themselves and not care what others think. Many employees believe that if I'm accepted at work, that's phenomenal. If I'm not, it's not the right workplace for me.
With that shift into a new level of acceptance, employees feel empowered to bring their whole selves to work. This can sometimes lead to oversharing information they shouldn't, which can put them in an uncomfortable position in the future because they revealed too much.
Here are three things I'd never say to my manager, as these things can hurt you more than help you.
1. Your weekend plans
I'd be careful sharing your weekend plans, especially if they involve going to a concert, partying, lounges, raves, or anything that might make your manager think you're irresponsible or reckless.
I recently had a friend share with me that she called out of work because she felt sick, and when she returned to work, it was rumored that she was probably at a concert or a party instead.
When I asked why that assumption was made, she said that in the past, she had shared with her manager that she loves going to concerts, so it was assumed that's what she was doing.
I told my friend it was wrong that her manager jumped to that assumption and shared that with others, but also to err on the side of caution and be more private about weekend plans.
Some managers will associate what you do outside work with what you do at work, and you don't want that. It can be nice to share positive, responsible, or encouraging things that make you look good, but don't candidly tell your manager, "I got so drunk last night."
2. Personal problems at home
Another thing I've seen come back on people repeatedly is when they lead their managers to think they aren't focused or that their mind isn't on work but instead on a personal problem.
An example is: "I just argued with my partner, and they're driving me crazy. We argued about X, Y, and Z, and because of it, I'm not in the best mood." That opens a door where your manager may think you can't separate work and your personal life.
You don't want your manager to think that chaos at home makes you unfit for your role or that it's too much for you to handle.
To be fair, we're all human, not robots. Sometimes, we think about home at work, but you still want to be careful with what you share. If your manager has set the tone that everyone on the team can share personal things, it may be a safer space.
If you need to take personal time, it's OK to say you have a personal emergency. Keep in mind that you don't always have to share what exactly your emergency is. Every organization views this differently, but for the most part, you can be vague.
3. Disliking your coworker for their personality
If you dislike your coworker because they're obnoxious, spread gossip, or for anything related to their personality, I would avoid sharing that with your manager.
You should also avoid saying things like, "I hate the way that coworker laughs," or "Their outfits are ridiculous," etc. If you don't like something about your coworker because it's not your preference, then it's inappropriate for sharing.
I wouldn't tell a coworker these things about another coworker, either. Unfortunately, people like to talk and can share what you've shared with others, including your manager. You don't know what your manager will do with that information, and it can come across as you're potentially focused on the wrong things. Ultimately, you may be seen as not a good fit for the team, not the coworker.
Now, here's the thing: If your coworker is missing deliverables, is unreliable, or doesn't meet certain expectations, and you feel that you need to share this with leadership, I think that can be appropriate.
Be cautious about what you share at work, and consider what you're sharing before sharing it. I've seen it happen where people share something, quickly realize they can't take it back, and now feel uncomfortable at work, or their coworkers feel uncomfortable working with them. It happens more often than you think.