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At some point in the late 20th century, putting effort into your hair, clothes, or furniture got separated from the idea of being a man. Suits and cocktails were out. Dirty jeans and beer fridges were in.
But a new sense of manliness has crept into popular culture. And though it may have started out as ironic to wear suspenders and take up quirky woodworking projects, it's now perfectly acceptable to be seen out in public looking like you took more than 30 seconds to get ready.
Still, these days, many guys hoping to become more "gentleman" than "dude" might not know where to start. "There's this kind of knowledge that used to be a given for guys," says Peter Baker, a graphic designer and photographer from Ann Arbor, Michigan. "No one ever taught my grandfather how to make a Manhattan, but he damn well knew how to make a Manhattan."
Baker started talking to Omari Rush, an education manager for the University of Michigan, about his desire to learn the things his grandfather knew. Why didn't they just ... learn those things? And invite a bunch of others guys to learn them, too?
Rush took Baker's brainstorming and came up with the Fox Trot, an event that would take a group of men through the city, with local experts teaching them how to do gentlemanly things. It would be about having fun and drinking, but also getting an education on things men used to take for granted.
As it turned out, Baker and Rush weren't alone. To their surprise, the debut Fox Trot -informally known as "How To Be A Grown-Ass Man" - sold out in a week.
It's Cool To Know About Skin Care
The group of about 30 men began the night at a local craft cocktail bar, where they learned what essential items were needed for a home bar, and how to mix some standards. Throughout the night, they stopped at a gourmet market to learn about cuts of meat and appropriately paired wines, a local cigar shop to mull over tobacco varieties, and a clothier to become more competent at dressing themselves, from matching ties and shirts to determining their true sizes. In a bold move, the Fox Trot took even the men to a cosmetics shop to learn about proper skin care and shaving techniques.
"Everybody would have been embarrassed to do this on their own," Baker says, recalling basic skin-care questions these men were daring to ask for the first time. "But the fact that they had a bunch of drinks, and were all doing it together, it dismantled the idea that we should act like we were too cool to ask."
'Lots Of Bro Love'
The Fox Trot event - and the subsequent, by-demand repeat months later - was educational, but what was so satisfying to Rush and Baker was what happened among the men who attended.
"There was lots of bro love," says Rush. "These guys just liked hanging out with other guys. Having that space to do it was very helpful, and refreshing."
In fact, many of the men, who ranged in age from 26 to 42, dressed up for the event. And they were all cool with it. In fact, says Baker, they were excited about it.
"They knew they were going to be rolling around with a bunch of other dudes, but they were still trying to impress each other," he says. "That is so great for guys our age. The camaraderie was cool."
A New Kind Of Social Club
Those grandfathers had their Eagles Clubs. Their sons had Rotary. Now Rush, Baker, and their following have something that's not so different from those social clubs. The bonding that happened during the Fox Trot led to a desire to keep bonding, keep networking, and keep not feeling weird about it. Only a few months after the first Fox Trot event, the pair are already planning a reunion dinner.
It wasn't just their own group that's more connected, either. The men made connections with business owners and local experts in ways they didn't expect in these days of online shopping and impersonal service.
"It turns this city into a very different place," says Rush. "You realize there are people here who know what they're talking about. There are little pockets of knowledge you can go back to."
Having a license to learn more about manly things allowed the members of Ann Arbor's Fox Trot to expand their definition of what it means to be a man.
"This kind of thing was so outside of the comfort zones of so many of the guys," says Rush. "To see how much it meant to them was really ... I don't thing 'endearing' is the right word -"
"Oh," continues Baker, "endearing is totally the right word."
- Written by Natalie Burg
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