Molly Shannon says parents should change their attitude about raising teenagers

• Molly Shannon shared her advice for parenting teens on "Today with Hoda and Jenna."
• The actor-comedian's two kids are now in college.

Molly Shannon has a tip for parents dreading the day their kids turn into teenagers.

In an interview on "Today with Hoda and Jenna" on Tuesday, the actor said that parents should see their teens as "regular people."

"Don't believe the thing where people are like, 'Oh, teens,' because then it's almost like people can make that happen," said Shannon, whose daughter, Stella, 21, and son, Nolan, 19, are in college.

"You shouldn't have this attitude that it's going to be bad," she said. "It's wonderful!'

And if parents find themselves battling with their teenagers all the time, they should reflect on their parenting, Shannon, 60, said.

"I would think, how can I be better? How can I mirror the defense or that type of thing? I would want to work on myself," she said. "I am always reading psychology self-help — almost like a class. I find it interesting, and I love learning."

When asked how she parents adult kids, the "Saturday Night Live" alum said that it's important to start with empathy.

"Most of the time, they just want to be heard. I try to think of that. And yeah, you could share a parallel story or, I don't know, I am not an expert, but I love being a mom because I lost my mom," said Shannon, who lost her mom in a car accident when she was younger.

A representative for Shannon did not immediately respond to a request for comment from Business Insider sent outside regular business hours.

Raising teenagers is not always easy

Parenting teenagers can be tricky. However, the right approach can lay the foundation of a strong parent-child relationship.

A 2022 study by Penn State, published in "Developmental Psychology," found that teenagers who experienced more parental warmth in their early teen years were closer to their parents when they reached their 20s. The researchers surveyed 1,631 participants from Pennsylvania and Iowa who completed surveys as teens and again at 22.

Allison Tenney, whose daughters are 12 and 13, said she's fostered a healthy relationship with them by maintaining an identity outside being a mother and prioritizing apologies when she makes a mistake.

She added that when her kids show attitude, she brings them a snack. "There are so many little things that could be contributing to one of them having an attitude, but usually, they're just hungry."

Similarly, Trisha Daab, a parent of five kids, previously wrote for BI that she advises parents of teenagers to connect over music or meals and show interest in what they like.

"I've had days when I felt I had nothing in common with my kid. Or we're both having a day, and all we are doing is frustrating each other," she wrote.

"There will be those days, and that's OK. Even when they are completely infuriating, always tell them you love them."

Correction: October 30, 2024 — An earlier version of this story misstated the age of Molly Shannon's daughter, Stella. She's 21, not 20.