How to open a coconut three different ways - and the tools you need to do it

Take your coconut and look at the end with the three little spots, also known as the eyes. One of those eyes is going to give way rather easily when stabbed. Your first step, then is to...

1. Use the tenderizing mallet to tap the screwdriver through the softest eye in the coconut.
2. Drain the fluid found within, making sure to shake out as many drops as you can.
3. Place the coconut in an oven heated to 375º Fahrenheit for 10 minutes or until a crack appears.
4. Tap the coconut along the crack to fully split it.
5. If no crack appeared, tap a split into the husk with the screwdriver and mallet.
6. Use a pairing knife or a butter knife to separate the husk from the flesh.
7. Use the peeler to remove the rough brown exterior from the flesh.
8. Enjoy!

For this technique, you'll need only one tool, but you will likely need some practice to perfect it.

The tool is your large chef's knife. Ironically, you won't be using the cutting edge of the blade.

1. Carefully pierce the softest eye of the coconut and drain its fluid.
2. Holding the coconut in one hand (your non dominant, ideally), crack the blunt backside of the knife against the "equator" of the coconut repeatedly, rotating it slightly after each whack.

With a few solid hits, a crack will form, and soon the whole husk will split.

This one isn't pretty, and unless you do use a tool to drain the water beforehand (which you should!) you'll lose all that precious fluid within, but here goes...

1. Wrap the coconut in a thin dish towel, then place it in a plastic bag.
2. Smash it against concrete, a brick wall, or lamppost until the thing is cracked wide open.

For the record, yes, these coconut cracking techniques are listed in descending order of efficacy and wisdom.