Let's begin with one of the more reserved specimens in this list. The MSI GT80 Titan is the first laptop that comes with a full mechanical keyboard.
Keys on mechanical keyboards give a satisfying clicky noise and fingertip feedback that gamers love. Normal laptops don't have mechanical keyboards because they are too bulky, but the GT80 doesn't care.
It also has TWO incredibly powerful graphics cards, which will handle anything you throw at it for the next decade. The GT80 laptop goes for more than $3000, which isn't surprising in the slightest.
Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, let's turn the heat up and go full psycho with this absurd monstrosity, the Asus ROG GX700 gaming laptop, which goes for well over $3000.
The Asus ROG GX700 goes for $3,500 on Amazon without the liquid cooling unit, which has yet to be announced for the US.
That growth sticking out of its behind is a liquid cooling system, which is completely insane. It cools down the components inside the gaming laptop when you're playing just too damn hard.
It's actually a regular laptop that works fine without the liquid-cool dock, but the graphics cards don't work at 100% without the dock because they're so powerful and can easily overheat.
But it can transform into a DOUBLE laptop, with one screen running Windows and the other running Android. It's a 3-in-1 device all for $800, but it's still in development after a successful Indiegogo campaign in 2014.
This thing is absolutely stunning. There was a time you could buy laptops from the craftsman, who would use laptops parts and build the beautiful wooden cases, but he only sells accessories now.
Check out the crazy and unique keyboards and mice on the craftman's website.
Let's cool things down a bit with this very silly laptop by Fujitsu that was designed for women. It was called the "Floral Kiss."
It had design elements that the company thought would appeal to women, like a pearly power button and fake diamonds on the Caps Lock key.
And it was designed so that women can open the lid without the risk of damaging their nails. This continues to not be a joke.
But the promo video gets even more offensive. It shows how the "Floral Kiss" is perfect for women who just want to shop for handbags online. Because that's all women do with computers...right?
Watch the short promo video to see how else Fujitsu thinks women use computers... and how offensive this thing is.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/s1PLc1IZ8SE
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Let's check out the opposite of the "Floral Kiss." Here's the most chunky, rugged laptop ever to crush the Earth. The Getac B300-X Toughbook looks like it fell out of the sky and killed the dinosaurs.
This particular model is being sold on eBay for just under $1,800.
It has a handle, so you can carry it into battle. And, like any machine that's also a weapon, it runs Windows 10.
Here's another chunky beast from Getac, that's actually a mobile server with a screen. That means you can carry around an abridged version of "the internet" in five hard drives wherever you go.
Next up is the Surface Pro 4, that many of us have seen before — but it's not the laptop I want to show you.
Behold. The Acme Portable "Sherlock 4:4." It's a portable "forensics workstation," so it's not really a laptop or a hybrid. But, like the Surface Pro 4, all the important parts are in the screen. That's where the similarities end.
Unlike the Sufrace Pro's magnetic keyboard connection, the Sherlock's keyboard connects to the screen with a telephone cable. Beautiful.
Acme describes the Sherlock as "incredibly compact" and "portable" at 27.5 lbs. Most laptops weigh under 4 lbs, but I suppose it IS as powerful as about eight Surface Pro 4s. Who knows how much this thing costs; you have to contact the company to get a quote. I'm still waiting to hear back.
If you'd rather get the Surface Pro 4, you can get it for under $1000 on Amazon.