Kristie Kam
The author, Kristie Kam, as a toddler.
- Parenting looks different in various cultures around the world.
- Living in Hong Kong, my parents emphasized obedience and rules.
- Some research suggests that this is a parenting style common among Chinese parents.
- After moving to New York at 15, I realized how my parents raised me left little room for self-expression and creativity, so I plan to do things differently.
- Here are seven ways my parenting style will look different from my parents'.
I grew up in a Chinese family, and undeniably, my parents set high expectations for me to do well in school. Though the pressure to succeed was heavy at times, I would never blame them for being too strict. Their parenting shaped who I am today and still motivates me to be the best in everything I do.
Chinese parents are often associated with authoritative parenting style, which emphasizes obedience and success in the classroom, according to research published in the International Journal of Behavioral Development.
"Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently," Amy Chua, a Yale Law School professor, wrote in her controversial book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother."
Of course, Chinese or Chinese-American parents are not a single entity, but I believe I was raised in this style. It was not until I moved to New York at the age of 15 that I realized I had only been doing what I was told, with minimal room for creativity and self expression, back in Hong Kong. The way I was raised had its limitations, and there are certain things I plan to do differently when I have kids of my own.
Here are seven ways I plan to raise my kids differently than my parents: