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4 tips for starting a conversation without seeming awkward
4 tips for starting a conversation without seeming awkward
Steven JohnApr 11, 2018, 01:04 IST
Strelka Institute for Media, Architecture and Design/Flickr
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Conversation skills is often acquired through practice and experience.
Ask open-ended questions that will allow the conversation to flow naturally.
Simply walking up to a person and making an introduction can be a straightforward and effective way to start a conversation.
Whether you're new at the office, solo at a party, or stuck waiting somewhere like an airline gate, you may grow more and more self-conscious the more time passes without starting up a conversation with others nearby.
How great does it feel, though, when some preternaturally gifted conversationalist throws you a social life raft and starts an easy, amiable chat?
Instead of waiting for a socially forward person to start up a conversation with you, be the person we're all hoping approaches us. Most people aren't natural social butterflies - being socially at ease and comfortable engaging strangers is often a learned trait. Additionally, most people really are happy to talk, they're just waiting for someone else to make the first move.
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So here are a few "moves" that will help you start conversations with strangers, no awkwardness required.
1. Ask open-ended questions — people like to talk, so give them an opportunity
Don't ask if someone likes the weather; ask what their favorite kind of weather and/or season is, using the current weather as the tip of the icebreaker, so to speak.
Don't ask where someone is from; ask where they are from and how it compares to the place they are now. If they live near where you're chatting, try asking what other places they have lived and what they liked or didn't like about the various locales.
Don't ask if they are enjoying the drink/meal/presentation/bus ride; ask about their favorite drinks/meals/work outings/travel experiences, and so forth.
2. Use your common ground — there's always something two people have in common
Maybe you're a rather tall woman who has just spotted another rather tall woman; you'll definitely be able to swap anecdotes there.
Maybe a guy just walked into the room wearing the same brand of shirt or shoes as you; compliment his style while comically showing off what you're wearing in common.
Whether it's something as basic as the fact that you're both in the same space or as specific as identifying a shared alma mater based on a shirt, you can always find something you and another person have in common to start a chat. Just be ready with open-ended follow up questions once you've broken the ice using the common ground.
3. There are certain safe things we all love talking about — kids, pets, and food come to mind
You can't start a conversation by walking up to someone and saying: "Hey! Do you have kids?" But you can glance down at your phone, shake your head as if laughing at some remembered moment behind the picture on your lock screen, and saying: "Man, I feel like that was just days ago. Do you have kids? You know what I mean?"
If they have kids, you're golden. If not, try another tactic, such as simply introducing yourself and asking what brings them there. Shared stories (and often commiseration) over raising kids is one of the easiest ways to start a conversation that will keep on flowing, but talking about the crazy things pets do, funny stories from work, and anecdotes from travel all work well.
If you can steer a conversation to one of these safe topics where we all tend to have lots of ready content to share, you'll have a fine chat on your hands.
4. The direct approach — just say hi and introduce yourself and dive in
This is probably the most nerve-wracking approach, because without an angle that will get you at least a few back-and-forth exchanges, it has the potential to fizzle quickly.
But I can say from personal experience that just saying hi more often than not works great. Late last year, I was covering an event at which I knew no one, and after standing around nursing a cocktail for a minute or two, I simply walked up to a small group of people and said, "Hey, I'm here for work and I know absolutely no one here, but you all seem like nice people. Mind if I just jump into your conversation, ideally without seeming awkward?"
I ended up talking to them for the rest of the evening and left with several business cards. I've used the direct approach many times, and it almost always works like a charm. If you do experience the occasional social misfire, remember that the person you tried to talk to almost surely won't remember the incident, so you shouldn't hold onto it either.
