4 steps to combat loneliness

Loneliness is a complex emotion, and according to some new research out of the University of Chicago that analyzes how loneliness affects the brain, it's a feeling that can lead to an insidious cycle, making behavior that could exacerbate those negative feelings more likely.

As Dr. John Cacioppo, director of the University of Chicago's Center for Cognitive & Social Neuroscience, tells the Wall Street Journal's Elizabeth Bernstein, that research shows that someone who is feeling socially isolated is more likely to be "hypervigilant to threats."

This could make them more likely to interpret an innocent interaction as hostile and to react as if it is - perpetuating that social isolation.

Cacioppo is the author, along with his wife, Dr. Stephanie Cacioppo, of two new studies that analyze the brain activity of lonely people.

He tells Bernstein that changing your mindset - a psychological strategy called "social cognitive retraining" - can be employed to combat loneliness or even to head it off before it becomes a problem. To help fight off loneliness, he recommends a four-step strategy with the acronym EASE, which he further explains in a book he wrote with William Patrick, "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection."

Here are Cacioppo's four steps for dealing with loneliness:

1. Extend yourself: As Cacioppo writes in a blog post for Psychology Today, you need simple, regular experiences that provide "small doses of the positive sensations that come from positive social interactions," something that you can't get while isolating yourself. He recommends starting with simple activities like attending social events and making small talk or volunteering in a setting that involves some social contact.
2. Action plan: Realizing you're not "adrift on agenetic and environmental raft over whose course [you] have no control" is essential, Cacioppo writes. Realizing that it's possible to eliminate even longstanding feelings of social isolation by taking concrete steps makes it easier to retrain your approach to interacting with the world. Picking things you want to be a part of and intentionally getting out in social settings can make a big difference.
3. Selection: Selecting social activities - and the people that come with them - that are of interest to you in the first place can make it a lot easier to connect with others, since those people already share an interest. If running or reading is something you enjoy, join a running group or a book club.
4. Expect the best: If you enter a social activity expecting to be ignored or thinking that people won't be friendly, it's easy to turn that into a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, expecting warmth and connection makes it easier to project that same warmth - which is then more likely to be reciprocated. Along the same lines, Cacioppo says it's important to be understanding if someone seems like they're blowing you off - that person may be having a bad day or may be struggling with something else on their own. "Give the other person the benefit of the doubt," he says.

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