32 funny, low-pressure Valentine's Day gifts for every relationship level
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Valentine's Day gifts can pose a unique challenge.
Depending on the recipient (or how long you've been seeing them), the traditional gifts of diamonds, surprise trips to Paris on private jets, and nightmarishly huge teddy bears may be a bit too enthusiastic. For those looking for no-pressure Valentine's Day gifts, humor is the guiding light. And for anyone looking for a unique keepsake, you can't go wrong with something funny either.
Below are a few of the most clever - but still useful - gifts you'll find on the internet. Your recipient will feel cared for, and you won't have to poll friends last-minute to find a companion for an all-expenses-paid couples vacation to the Bahamas either.
Below are 32 funny Valentine's Day gifts to give this year:
A funny parody cookbook for 'Fifty Shades of Chicken'
Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook, available on Amazon, $12.29
Edgy, boundary-pushing, and avant-garde: It's the Fifty Shades parody cookbook. Grab it and a bottle of wine and stay in to make Valentine's Day dinner.
A shower wine glass holder
Sipski Shower Wine Glass Holder, available on Urban Outfitters, $18
A shower holder for a glass of wine is one of the most unique — and oddly thoughtful — gifts you can give, especially for anyone whose ideal night includes a bath bomb.
A complete survival kit for your next binge-watching marathon
Binge Watching Survival Kit, available on Barnes and Noble, $19.95
The nitty-gritty survival kit for your next Netflix and Chill binge-watching marathon. Pick your favorite movie, make popcorn, and spend an ideal Valentine's Day in.
An anatomically correct heart
Heart Plush Figure, available on Amazon, $22.99
If you can't — or don't want to — say it with flowers and chocolates, give an anatomical version of your heart.
A smart WiFi plug
Amazon Smart Plug, available on Amazon, $24.99
What's a greater gift than the power to control your devices without leaving the couch?
Snoop Dogg's first-ever cookbook: 'From Crook to Cook'
Snoop Dogg's first cookbook is a new household treasure — featuring 50 of his favorite recipes from baked mac and cheese to filet mignon.
A bouquet of salami
Olympia Provisions Salami Bouquet, available on Food52, from $50
A bouquet of meat is nearly always preferable to a bouquet of flowers.
A brownie pan that only makes edge pieces
Baker’s Edge Nonstick Edge Brownie Pan, available on Amazon, $35.95
This is the 21st-century replacement for the phrase, "the greatest thing since sliced bread." With it, they'll get the chewy brownie piece every single time.
Fondue mugs
Kovot Personal Fondue Mugs, Set of 2, available on Amazon, $14.95
Miniature, personal-sized fondue — grab a couple long candles and a checkered table cloth and you've got romance.
A funny Pretzel Day card
The Office Stanley Pretzel Day Card, available on Etsy, $4.86
What's greater than "I love you" in an age group that grew up watching The Office? Ranking them above Pretzel Day on a Stanley scale.
Hilarious untold stories from American history
The United States of Absurdity: Untold Stories from American History, $13.49
A hilarious collection of funny, untold stories from American history.
A chiseled corkscrew holder
DOIY Design Hestia Corkscrew, available on Urban Outfitters, $20
For the art fan or the fan of classically chiseled Greek gods, this clever corkscrew is a fun and lowkey gift.
A hanging sloth planter
Sloth Hanging Planter, available on Urban Outfitters, $18
For the sloth-, planet earth-, or animal-loving partner, you can't go wrong with a novelty hanging planter that — even if it was real — wouldn't be able to move away much faster.
'Game of Thrones' alcohol
Johnnie Walker White Walker Blended Scotch Whisky, available on Drizly, from $29.99
In case you missed it, Drizly is selling Game of Thrones alcohol, and the staff pick is this White Walker-inspired blended scotch whiskey. For as little as $29.99, you can secure the title of Best Partner of the Year with ten months to spare in 2019.
A cute card and accompanying stuffed animal
I Love You Beary Much Gift, available on Etsy, from $16.66
The stuffed animal is small enough to get a primetime placement in their room, and the sentimentality of its connection to a card will make it all the sweeter to see.
Memes made from classic art
Classic Art Memes By Gemma Cooper, available on Urban Outfitters, $12.95
For the person you share the widest meme vocabulary with, a dedicated coffee table book full of the best jokes hidden in classic art.
Plates that acknowledge eating with a beard
Food In My Beard Face Plates, available on Uncommon Goods, $25
Even if you love dating someone with a beard — or having one — you've probably noticed that they have the same success rate of trapping food as a Venus Flytrap. Know somebody with a Civil War, Lumberjack, or 19th-century Russian author beard that's known to take a few accidental morsels home with him? Say no more.
A hot sauce subscription
Small-Batch Quarterly Hot Sauce Subscription, available on Food52, $120
Make it spicy all year long with a subscription to gourmet, small-batch hot sauces.
A giant keepsake of your likeness
Big Heads Cardboard Cutout, available on Amazon, from $27.99
This terrifying cardboard cutout has all the dazzle and grandiosity of a surprise flight to Paris, with the low price that fits a shoestring budget and/or a new relationship.
Ceramic take-out bowls
Take-Out Serving Bowls, available on CB2, $7.95 per bowl
Buy a bottle of wine and some takeout and transfer your favorite lo mein to this ceramic spoof on take-out bowls for a classy take on cozy nights spent together.
A mini waffle maker
Mini Waffle Maker, available on Amazon and Urban Outfitters, from $9.99
Perfect for a cute breakfast for one or minimal clean-up for two. There’s also a sweetheart version available for $58 on Food52 if you'd prefer waking up to heart-shaped waffles.
An emergency stash of candy
In Case of Emergency Break Glass Chocolate Box, available on Etsy, from $19.99
For the everyday emergencies like stalled subway rides, you can be there with the catharsis of an emergency candy stash.
A punny novelty spoon
Let’s Spoon Forever Hand Stamped Vintage Silver Spoon, available on Etsy, $15
Cute, succinct, functional, and goes well with a family-sized box of their favorite cereal.
An adorably geeky mug
I Think of You Periodically Mug, available on Etsy, $13.50
Put a smile on their face during their morning coffee routine with this forgivably punny mug.
Special beer labels
Valentine’s Day Beer Labels, available on Etsy, from $12
Looking for the perfectly thoughtful but lowkey gift? Valentine's Day beer labels on some of your favorite craft beers.
A punny Kevin Malone card
Netflix and Chilli Valentine’s Day Card, available on Etsy, from $4
The perfect card doesn't exi-
A gift card they have to smash a brick to get ahold of
Smash and Grab Gift Card, available on Man Crates, from $50
Give your partner the freedom of a gift card but the fun of smashing through a brick to get to it. once demolished, they can choose between a host of stores for the gift card to be redeemable at. Find the full list of options here.
Generous instructional mimosa glasses
Mimosa Diagram Glassware, Set of 2, available on Uncommon Goods, $38
Forget sit-down restaurants and filet mignon. Bring over the bottles of champagne and orange juice and have yourself the kind of brunch that requires a three-hour nap afterward.
A punny poster
Olive You Print, available on Society6, $23.99
Say it with your favorite cocktail garnish.
A print of animals that mate for life
Mates For Life Print, available on Uncommon Goods, from $30
Grab a print of creatures that mate for life. If you’re looking for something more casual, there’s another version on Society6 for $20 to check out.
A personalized saint candle
Personalized Saint Candle, available on Etsy, from $26
You call your partner a saint a million times per year. Make it official.
Soaps made from wine
Wine Soaps, Set of 4, available on Uncommon Goods, $28
These all-natural vegan soaps blend the notes from popular red and white wine varieties with complementary scents and oils.